Military-Grade Germ Precautions to Take Against Your Highly Contagious Boyfriend
The situation has changed, soldier. You’ve shacked up with ultimate germ vector: A human male.
Tag: Life
I’m the Fun Mom on This Migraine Commercial and I’m Begging You, Please Kill Me
My headache thundered with every step, but we'd duel for hours with our tin-foil-covered balsa wood swords.
I Am the Orc from Your Favorite Movies
I played an orc in the Lord of the Ring movies. If you look closely, I am the grayish one with the teeth coming out in all directions from my face.
What Your Favorite Color Says About Everything You Are and Will Ever Be
Light Blue - You were born on November 17, 1994. You are 24 years old. You are male. If you were not gay before, you are now. No one knows it yet.
Honest Engagement Cards
I know we aren’t particularly close, but we do have a ton of friends in common, which means it would be a lot of fun for me to go to your wedding.
Why Doesn’t My Roommate Understand That a Witch Put a Spell on Me and Now I’m Not Allowed to Wash the Dishes
She raised a wand and twirled it in the air. She chanted, “Dawn and Palmolive, Scotchbrite and Ocelo, you’re not allowed to do the dishes no more-lo.”
Despite Advice in My 8th Grade Yearbook, I Did Not “Stay Kewl”
While I may have had a “GR8 Summer” and “hittin’ up the pool or sumthin'," I did not take your advice to be my authentic, off-the-hook self.
Oh, the Hoodies I’ve Found
1. Sept 5, 2000 - The Band One / Identifying Marks: Your HS boyfriend’s crappy ska band logo. / Acquired From: Back seat of said boyfriend’s POS car.
Oh, the Hoodies I’ve Lost
1. August 8, 1996 - The Maroon One / Identifying Marks: Band logo on the front. / Missing From: Back seat of your POS first car.
This Might Sound Crazy, But Your House is Made From My Mom
It would really mean a lot if I could come in and see where she … ended up. Sorry, looks like I’m interrupting book club.
Baseball Fans Struck by Foul Thoughts While Just Trying to Enjoy a Ballgame
The crowd exploded, and it hit me: the game is going into extra innings, and I’m going to have to endure another four torturous years of Trump.
Hollywood’s Historical Bio-Pics of Forbidden Love
Betsy & Benji, Sewing the Body Electric: Betsy Ross's flag-sewing prowess inspired warriors to greatness. Benjamin Franklin's magnetism was electric.