Life | Page 23 | Points in Case

Tag: Life

My life—the sophomore outing by parents William and Eloise Cunningham—begins confidently enough in suburban Nebraska.

If you’ve timed it right, you will be dead before you hit the floor. Your death will look like that of a hero defending the store from a shoplifter.

Is this real life? This lawsuit has consumed your mind, your nerves, your days, your marriage for the better part of four years.

Eating brie, Adam, his wife, friends close and warm—it’s couples night. "No I won’t take my shirt off right here! No!" Adam takes his shirt off.

A friend finds an aggressive dog hiding under a car. She asks if we will take him in temporarily. I know I need to swallow my fear, so I say yes.

Explain that "Interpretive Trail Hiking" won’t have a steady paycheck and encourage your boots to instead major in "Pre-Backpacking" at Bootiversity.

Don't ask loudly and rhetorically "See why I divorced her?" of the shoppers gaping at your unholy hissyfit over her congenital tardiness.

Ask your millennial co-worker if they need a muscle relaxer when they talk about Twitch, then find out it's not what your back does after a workout.

1:37 PM: Host will say that, “things should get cooking here in about 5 minutes!” This will be torture and will leave you craving a cheeseburger.

Did it ever occur to you that maybe leading an active lifestyle doesn’t make you inherently more driven & virtuous? Maybe it just makes you sweatier.

The New American Waistland Fanny: For successful Dads who love America, spend a lot of time in Florida, but don’t have an ironic bone in their body.

"Poll: Are you mad at me? Because your sister insinuated some things you might’ve told her about me…"