An Alien’s Guide to Caring for Human Babies
As we are the first of our species to inspect this planet called Earth, we have sent…
Tag: Life
My Wife and I Are Child-Free, Todd
That air of unbridled exhilaration and freedom you had? We always have that look, Todd. Because we never have to deal with your wretched offspring.
Ways You Can Screw Up Your Son
Raising sons is hard. There are a lot of ways you can screw up your son and add another example of toxic masculinity to society.
How to Lift Your Glutes Without Squats
Take Time To Ideate: Commune with your butt on the shape and altitude you’d like to achieve together.
Unnerving Emails Norton AntiVirus Sends Me
Data leak alert: Your fitting room selfies were just shared with your high school reunion Facebook group.
“Excuse Me, Can Any Fellow Emails in This Spam Folder Direct Me to the Inbox, Please?”
“Am I in the spam folder? I gotta get out of here.” “WARNING: YOUR HOUSE IS INFESTED WITH HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA.”
Honest Cereal Names
Honey Bunches of Oats > A Small Amount of Good Stuff Swimming in a Large Amount of Oats
Goodbye to “All That”: By Kenan Thompson in 2001
Someone once said that "All That" is for the very young and the same people when they’re 28 and nostalgic. For me, "All That" is a moment in time.
Optimize Your Originality by Copying Famous Creatives’ Daily Habits
Immanuel Kant (1724-1804): Awoken by spousal uppercut at 6:30, the philosopher began an impressive washing regimen; Kant felt his mind was sharpened by pouring pitchers of cold water over himself.
I Am the Woman Who Bakes Brownies for Her Coworkers on a Weeknight, and My Life is Definitely Not Crumbling Before My Eyes
I made the brownies with one hand while reading for my ChickLits book club. Sleep is a societal construct! I think I’m starting to hallucinate.
Directors’ Notes on Restagings of Shakespeare’s “Hamlet”
"SYLVIA PLATH // HAMLET '90s MIXTAPE": Hamlet is depressed. Hamlet is in love. Hamlet is occasionally suicidal. Basically, Hamlet is the '90s.
Other Secret and Torrid Fictional Relationships You Might Have Forgotten
Colonel Mustard and Professor Plum: There never was a murder, these two just needed to get away from their bridge club to whisper sweet nothings.