Five Airbnb Listings You Literally Need to Book Right Now
Hal's Review: "About 13,000 people died there in the early 1900s, but you could hardly tell!"
Tag: Life
The Five Stages of Grief for an Unanswered Tinder Message
Depression: Did I go too far by putting a puppy on my lap as I hold a guitar? Sure, I don’t know how to play guitar, but she doesn’t know that.
This Whole Flood Thing Sounds Pretty Bogus
It rains all the time and sometimes floods, but it’s never awful, so it wouldn’t surprise me if our Heavenly Father said this purely to make a fuss.
I’m a 9-1-1 Operator Who Loves the Movie “Titanic”
With all due respect, let me tell you what an actual emergency is: when Rose’s necklace went missing and they blamed poor Jack for stealing it.
A Thank You Note From My Ex’s Current Girlfriend
He surprised me with a candle because he said, "I know your love language is 'receiving gifts.'" How did you get him to read "The 5 Love Languages"?!
Your Horoscope for When the Trappist Exoplanets are in Retrograde
We don’t know if Trappist 1-h’s theoretical moons exist or not, but the motions of these maybe-moons are still going to fuck your shit up, Cancer.
I Lost 80 Pounds Just by Exorcising the Demon That was Inhabiting My Body
You'll be ready to snatch your body back from the erratic specter that’s possessed it---and look "snatched" doing it!
Has Your Mother Been Seduced Into Joining a Polygamist Cult?
Halfway down the stairs, the humming stops, but you hear a choir of singing voices instead. “Mom?”
Gift Ideas to Help Republican Grandparents Bribe Their Grandkids into Not Hating Them for Dooming Humanity
A skateboard is cool. No need for safety gear, either. You obviously don’t give a shit what happens to your grandkids, so a helmet would be confusing.
Jack-o’-Lantern Designs That Say “We’re Filing for Divorce”
A Jack-o'-Polyamory-Pamphlets: Nothing says, "we’re leaving each other," like joining separate sex cults.
Leaving Neil Armstrong’s Homemade Banner Out of “First Man” Ignores That the Moon Landing was a Completely Individual Achievement
When finally he stepped out onto the moon, he spoke those iconic first words: "Look what I did.... all by myself… with no one's help."
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Yes, I sold ad space at the end of that paragraph. Yes, I know that the end of the first paragraph is traditionally where the humorous premise goes.