Life | Page 37 | Points in Case

Tag: Life

Saturday, 3 pm --- Remembering the moment where everything could have gone differently

While a Nathan Hale could die but once, I, Wayne LaPierre, must oversee a daily sacrifice nearly five score that many Americans from gun violence.

"You'll come following me in the jingle jangle morning," will you? You're going to stalk me? Is that a threat?

Maybe I’ll save a kid from drowning by jumping from a bridge. A local hero, on the news...wait, no one under 70 watches the news: trend on Twitter.

But now I realize that’s actually a stupid plan and I have a new, better one: keep King Teti in this Earthly realm and also make him my boyfriend.

I was praying to God that maybe the reality show / would give my marriage more net worth / and make my partner feel like she had a purpose in life.

I’m five things: IT, chai-tea, yoga, Bollywood and the Taj Mahal. These are the only things I’m known for, thanks to you, America, my dear friend.

Thin Mint talks first. She looks healthy but is no longer the waifish figure from past boxes. Despite her added curves, she's lost none of her snap.

Who will have access to your computer after you pass on? Your girlfriend? Your niece? Your grandmother?

Can you feel that burn? Well, ignore it. That’s just one of the servants of Satan trying to enter your body through your navel.

I will be sure to keep you updated on all the social metrics. I still care about you, and the kids (our kids), and our social media numbers.

Thinking he'd overtaken the tortoise in the race, the hare took a nap under a tree. He was right to sleep, given his Adidas UltraBoost running shoes.