Will This “All in One” Shampoo Save My Marriage?
I was trying to think of ways to incorporate Equate’s “All in One” shampoo into a plan that would make my wife think of me as a better husband.
Tag: Life
My Breakouts Keep Taunting Me by Singing Blink-182’s “All the Small Things”
I noticed a small zit on my upper lip and could've sworn it had Tom DeLonge's whiny, edgy voice: "The night will go on, my little windmill..."
The Modern Day Dinosaurs That Plague America
Because of the shape of their heads, turtles spend much of their lives looking down on whatever’s in front of them. Similar to: White people.
Why It’s Actually a Good Thing That the Contractors You Paid to Renovate Your House Just Put a Bunch of Wolf Figurines All Over the Place and Told You They Were Done
You Now Get to Affectionately Refer to Your Home as “The Wolf’s Den.” Suddenly, the way the renovation turned out doesn’t seem so bad.
A Blue Apron Recipe for a Productive Morning
Take the shirt from the bottom of your laundry pile and sniff the underarms. Deem the shirt "not that smelly" and pull it over your head.
Here is the Ancient Ritual You Must Follow If You Wish to Quit the Football Team
A rapidly disintegrating map will be given to you as you step out of the self-reflection pod. It will lead you to the Sewer of Quitters.
10 Signs That You Are Not Watching the Movie “Gremlins” Right Now
5. You Are Not Watching Gremlins Right Now, Because You Are Too Busy Reenacting Scenes from the Film with Buckley, Your Friend & Butler
Stuck: A Brief Exercise in Predetermination While Wedged in a Storm Drain
No, life is something to cherish. All these people who kick empty soda cans and throw pinecones at my face do so with pure intentions, I'm sure.
How to Have a Happy Relationship Even Though You’re Not Dating Mister Rogers
Fred had a song for every occasion: feeling happy, excited, blue. He even called it, “feeling blue,” and not “oh, so you’re taking another nap today?”
Ennui Tycoon: Turn Your Melancholy Into Gaming Currency
Make sure the infrastructure of your city is unintuitive and inadequate. Traffic will increase the ennui of your citizens.
What’s On Tap at the Bitter Break-Up Brewery
Petty Fight Pilsner: Remember that yelling match in the parking lot after the old disagreement about whose responsibility it was to feed the fish?
An Interview with the Two Largest Books on Your Shelf
Q: Who’s more likely to be used in the event that a fire is desperately needed? Harry Potter: Definitely Jest. Infinite Jest: Me.