I’m Scaling This Mountain With Nothing But Tincup Brand Whiskey in My Backpack for Authenticity’s Sake
It’s about putting yourself in the life-threatening, strenuous situations that past generations did their utmost to avoid and drank to forget.
Tag: Life
Strategies to Cure Your Partner’s Insomnia
Some can't sleep well if their partner can’t decide whether to be the big spoon, or the little spoon, or maybe to just not touch you at all.
Quiz: What Have You Done With My Amulet, Boy?
‘Twas I who revived your battle-weary body with the healing milk of the tri-horned bison!
Due to an Oddly Popular Demand, I Present 8 More Ways to Kiss Your Parents on the Lips
Now that I know there are more of us, maybe we can form a community. We kiss our parents on the lips together, and they will gently kiss us back.
Top 5 Kinkiest Fashion Trends of the 18th Century
Ladies never worried about tripping over a factory-sized ass of ruffles, because they were sure to be carried by men dying to spend time with them.
I’ll Be Back to Fix Our Marriage After This 72-Hour “Fortnite” Session
Fortnite has taught me that silence is an effective strategy. And my new best bros, FragStewie_247 and BonerTauntz agree.
Armie Hammer’s Rehab Clinic for Actors Who Had to Dance on Film Once
My therapy center is called "Hammer Out Your Dance Demons," and is funded exclusively by me and by none of my family’s $200+ million fortune.
Weathermen in a Warming Future
Expect showers outside. Please keep following the ban on indoor showers; it’s hard to believe it's been 20 years since the Great Water War.
Things to Do in Philadelphia That Don’t Involve Beating My Ass with a Big Hammer
The Philadelphia Museum of Art, somehow, contains a large painting of me having my ass beat with a hammer, wielded by a man who I have never met.
Some Plausible Reasons Why Scott Pruitt Might Hate Nature So Much
He's always asleep during both sunrise and sunset, so he's never seen one before. Doesn't get what the big deal is.
Alternatives to “No Tip” on Touchscreen Checkout Machines
"I’m fiscally conservative in Q1" or maybe just a simple ":(" ?
Why I Won’t Let My Son Sign Up For Pee-Wee Football
It’s a commitment, most football teams have several practices a week. As a single parent, I can’t make that work. Also my son is made of glass.