A Response Letter From Mark Zuckerberg’s Newborn Daughter, August
Hey Dad, I just want to reassure you: I'm not worried about the future. Not even the tiniest amount. Because I'm going to inherit billions of dollars.
Tag: Life
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4 Ways to Make Childhood Friend Reunions More Bearable
Why is it that hanging out with your childhood best friend now feels like small-talking with the lady at the supermarket who complains about her allergies?
10 Things You’ll Never Hear on a College Campus
Just because you never hear these things in college doesn't mean they aren't true. Especially the parts about cheating, masturbation, and taking advantage of helpless animals.
The One Way to Guarantee You’ll Get a Job
I'm using the same "expect less" philosophy expressed by golfer Brooks Koepka, who said that it took him so long to win because he was "trying too badly."
A Letter of Recommendation Template for Men Struggling to Date
After I wrote my friend Dave a letter of recommendation, his dating dry spell ended immediately. Now I'm giving you permission to use the same template!
10 Life Lessons I Learned from Paul Verhoeven Movies
Thanks to Showgirls, young women learned that contrary to outdated societal prejudice, exotic dancing can be a highly rewarding career path, especially in an ailing economy.
Teaching My Ignorant Dog and Cat About Sex
A lot of animals out there haven't had the proper education when it comes to sex, which is obvious from all of the stupid YouTube videos of idiot dogs humping each other's heads.
Son, You Should Expect to See Your Grandma Get Hurt Soon
You love your grandparents more than your regular parents, which is why you need to prepare yourself when they break a body part right in front of you.
Will These Politically Correct Millennials Stop Pointing Out My Character Flaws?
When I was younger, me and my other white male friends could have serious and rational discussions about things without being so easily offended.
Why Successful Immigrants Shouldn’t Become Birds at 40 Years Old
Whoever manages this Human-to-Bird-conversion is clearly a prankster. I've clearly done too much whining, and too little flying practice up to now.
I Used to Be Materialistic, Then I Got This Buddha Statue
I can't help but be ashamed of how materialistic I used to be. I guess I should just be happy that buying this Buddha statue on Amazon made me the person I am today.