21 Most Annoying Things About Alien Takeover of Earth
Just when the Facebook notifications about all your friends laying eggs finally slow to a trickle, here come the fucking baby pics of gelatinous larvae.
Tag: Life
The Internet is a Dangerous Place Full of People More Talented Than You
Lurking behind every YouTube thumbnail is a well-camouflaged bear trap, waiting to violently snap shut on your already fragile sense of self-worth.
God Closes So Many Doors Because He Enjoys Watching People Crawl Out of Windows
Why would God deprive us of so many great opportunities, only to subsequently offer us lesser paths to success? Why would He do that? Perhaps there's an easier explanation.
How to Publicly Ruin Someone’s Life
Guaranteed ways to publicly destroy the reputation of enemies ranging from your former employer or romantic partner, to a professional rival or your spouse's psycho ex.
Sorry Conservatives, Just Because I Was Raised By Two Moms Doesn’t Mean I’m Messed Up—I’m Messed Up Because My Moms Were Wolves
It really irks me when someone says my two-mom, non-traditional upbringing, could have damaged me as a child. I'm damaged because my moms were wolves.
Isn’t It Time Somebody Wrote an UNTHINK Piece?
Many Americans are skeptical of the amount of counterthinking going into fighting the War on Thoughts. #ThoughtWar2017 is occurring on a global level.
Hey Brother, Can You Spare a Billion?
Dear Mr. Trump: Years after that encounter outside Trump Tower years ago, you're now the most powerful man in the world, and I'm sitting in the same spot in my urine-soaked pants.
Melania Trump’s Lost Journal Entries from 2005
A private glimpse into that blissful first year of marriage to Donald J. Trump. Ah, newlyweds.
10 Tips for Successfully Getting Through College
To become a cognitively engaged multitasker , you must eventually be able to drink beer, watch porn, cry, and masturbate while realizing you're not lonely.
8 Planets With the Strangest Methods of Sexual Reproduction
Eight planets and the actual forms of reproduction by their inhabitants, verified as authentic by Scientology Monthly and USA Today.
Just Caught My Son Crandley YouTubing BMX on a School Night
Some nights I lie awake, wondering, is my son a nancy ass? Now, I fear the worst?: that he harbors dreams of a future in social work.
The Incredibly Intimate Hulk: Confessions of an Aging Superhero
I have a confession to make: I'm the man behind the Incredible Hulk. But I've gotten older and my angry shenanigans have become tiresome over the years.