Horror Movie Fate or Ways My Italian-American Mother Thinks I Risk Accidental Death, Which Is Lurking Around Every Corner?
- That cut is going to get infected - Fuel leak recall from a car I don’t own
Tag: Lists
Ways to Say “I Love You,” Adjusted for Inflation
- You’re the crab-apple of my eye - You’re the love of my mid-life - You’re my other third
In Addition to $10,000, Here Are Some Other Things I’d Like Forgiven from My Time in College
Smelling like a mix of Lay's Potato Chips, Victoria's Secret perfume, and Miller Lite for four years straight.
The Real Reasons We’re Going Back to the Moon
- The Apollo 14 flag got wrinkled and needs ironing.
Reasons You Have Jaw Pain Bingo
- Lower gum tattoos are still healing - Chimpanzee documentary made eating fire ants with a stick look easy
What I Said in the Handshake Line After the Hockey Game Where I Told the Media We’d Win, Sang a Taunting Rendition of the National Anthem, Talked Way Too Much Trash, and Lost Fifteen to Zero
Good game, I didn’t mean what I said when I said, “We’re gonna kill this sorry ass team!”
Clues That You Are Controlled by a Microchip Your Dentist Implanted in a Filling
You feel the urge to wash your dentist’s car after each appointment.
10 Existential Crises and the Essential Oils to Cure Them
The suspicion that we are all just cogs in a hyper-capitalist machine — SANDALWOOD
What I Thought My First Year of Teaching High School Would Be Like vs. What It Was Actually Like
- O Captain! My Captain! - Please get off the desk.
Welcome to Your Hotel’s Meager “Gym”
Wipe down equipment after use with one of the damp napkins placed atop our overflowing garbage bins.
Similarities Between Turnips and Bob
- Both fell off trucks at one point. - Neither speaks French.
6 Reasons Why Ryan Reynolds Is the Antichrist from Revelation
The leopard with the feet of a bear and the mouth of a lion is an obvious reference to Ryan Reynolds' dashing good looks.