Daily Affirmations for Conspiracy Theorists
- I accept that most people aren't as smart as me. - My inner resilience will help me carry on no matter what “scientists” say.
Tag: Lists
Plot Summaries of Unpublished Monster Novels by Nobel Laureates
J. M. Coetzee: A boy who may or may not be Jesus battles racist zombies. Jean-Paul Sartre: Lucifer tricks a man into ordering a bad batch of escargots.
The Real Reasons These Inventions Were Created
“I was tired of pissing my pants.” ---Gideon Sundback, zipper (1909)
Cartoon Character or Financial Tech Startup?
Cartoon character, beloved by children for their goofy, sweet, and mischievous antics, or actual fintech startup?
Fun Summer Activities for Kids (Brought to You by the Society for a Flat Earth)
Ask whether they want to eat off of a flat plate or an upside-down bowl. Your child will soon realize that flat surfaces are the only way to go!
Signs Your Pets Are Planning a Coup
You find throwing stars in the scratching post. / Your search history reads: "kibble download free" "cat fail compilation" "overthrow fleshy tyrant king"
How Children Remember History vs. How Their Parents Remember It
1327 AD: “I love this new “Ring Around the Rosie” Song!” vs. “I hate that schools are trying to make this bubonic plague sound fun!”
A Teacher Weaves His Marital Strife into His Second Grade Spelling Lesson
Help: Never be afraid to ask for help. Some couples go to a marital counselor for help. Help.
What Do These Cliches Really Mean?
3. Time heals all wounds. a. True b. False c. Depends on the wound. d. Depends on the day.
5 Signature Scents for NYC Homesick Candle
Attorney Up Close: The lightly sweaty smell of a middle-aged man’s neck you’re pressed against during rush hour on the train home from work.
Celebrity Sequels to “Eat, Pray, Love”
Andrew Cuomo: Intimidate, Inoculate, Incriminate Ted Bundy: Marry, Fuck, Kill Hamlet: Be, Not Be, Wonder Lil Nas X: Yee, Haw, Satan-Worship
Pop Punk Songs from My Teens, Revised for My 30s
All Time Low: Dear Maria, Count Me Out, I Have a Baby Shower That Day Green Day: Crate and Barrel Case