Questions I Asked Realtors During My Pandemic Apartment Hunt
Does this apartment have a laundry machine, and just out of curiosity, has anyone discovered a way to wash the mind?
Tag: Lists
Joe Biden’s Real Campaign Schedule or My Joe Biden Fanfiction?
Joe takes me out onto the balcony, places his strong, soft hands on my cheeks and whispers softly in my ear, “Amtrak.” We make love under the moon.
If Your Online Dates Texted Like Political Campaigns
Hey, Maggie, I’ll cut right to the chase. Please, Maggie, confirm that you’ll see me at Miller’s Tavern tonight at 8 p.m.
What He Means When He Says “You’re Not Like the Other Girls”
You have a personality. Other girls don’t. They have no personality. They aren’t funny and they have no hobbies or interests to speak of.
47 Corporate Buzzwords Redefined for Work-At-Home Times
Early Adopters: The line you wished you’d gotten into to get the better kids than the ones you’re in lockdown with.
11 Money Moves Every Six-Year-Old Needs to Make Today
Fund your retirement account - The best time to start investing is when you’re born. The second best time is when you’re completely potty-trained.
15 Printed Onesies Worn by Babies Who Will Eventually Struggle to Move Up Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
25% Mommy, 25% Daddy, 25% Mommy’s Yoga Coach, 15% Daddy’s Secretary, 5% Tinder Guy Who Was Into Daddy and Daddy’s Secretary, 5% Lube, 100% PERFECT ME!
How Horror Movie Villains Handled the Pandemic
Jigsaw sunk into a deep depression after realizing that no one is ever in the mood "to play a game" anymore, especially over Zoom.
Prince Hamlet or My Neglected Cactus?
Enjoys pretending to teeter on the brink of breakdown to gain physical and emotional labor from loved ones.
“PAW Patrol” Episodes That Not-So-Subtly Promote Fascism
"Pups Go Camping" - The PAW Patrol round-up protestors, immigrants, and intellectuals to take to a mandatory camp in the woods.
10 Tips to Get Him, a Climate Denier, to Notice You, a Deadly Cat 5 Hurricane
It may seem like the only offshore things he cares about are drilling and banking, but remember, you are a strong, sexy, SENTIENT storm.
Yankee Candle Scents for Fall 2020
Cabin Fever Delight - Hot dogs sizzle over a space heater because you’ve officially lost it. Time is nothing but a construct.