It’s a Quarantine You Lazy Ass, Get to Work
Paint a Fresco - Sure the prep list is a bitch and wet lime plaster is a bear of a medium, but can you think of a better time to tackle the job?
Tag: Lists
Ranking the Coronavirus Task Force Members from Least to Most Fuckable
Derek Kan - Can make a train in the bedroom run on time. / Anthony Fauci - This silver fox has a lot of time now that Grey’s Anatomy isn’t filming.
27 Ways to Age without Feeling Good about Yourself
Live life to the fullest by watching documentaries about it. / Feel comfortable in your own skin because it’s a little more saggy now.
Things My 16-Year-Old Is Capable and Seemingly Incapable of Doing
CAPABLE: Coordinating and implementing first person shooter strategy and tactics / SEEMINGLY INCAPABLE: Separating laundry
The Other 45 Ways to Leave Your Lover That Paul Simon Didn’t Want You to See
Be too into board games, James / Finally say how you really feel, Neil / Act like a slob, Rob / Cut them out of the will, Bill
Top 20 Google Searches of the European Renaissance
Flying machine release date / Signs thy husband doth disrobing thy house maid / How to disrobe thy house maid / Paintings of breasts nearith me
Internet Startup or Word a So-Called Friend Played That Made It Obvious They’ve Been Cheating at Words With Friends?
SWYTCH? ZOOTAXY? FROUZY? You don't think we can tell? Oh, we can tell.
Pandemic Coping Tips for Extraterrestrials Pretending to Be Earthlings
Get Dressed Every Morning - Even if you don’t expect to be in public, remember to put on your human skin suit every morning.
20 More Eerie Coincidences Between Lincoln and JFK’s Assassinations
Both times people were upset about it. / Both assassins used firearms as a method of assassinating. / Thus, both assassinations were really loud.
Historical Cures That Were Worse Than the Problem
Problem: Polio Cure: Jonas Salk’s polio vaccination. Worse Problem: Finding out your favorite celebrity thinks vaccines are worse than polio.
An Ode to the Great Outside My Apartment
Coffee shops: “Ugh, I know it’s overpriced, but it’s my guilty pleasure!” is now what I say when I buy healthcare.
Is It a Threat or Just a Co-Star Notification Coming for Your Throat?
5. You ever just sit and think about how you talk too much? 6. Be someone’s reason for not committing murder today.