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Smoke salvia out of sister's vacuum cleaner. Land a kickflip in the middle of the woods with nobody around, next to a fallen tree.

Self-cleaning. Enchanted with spell that bewitches child into consuming lunch regardless of fiber content. Doubles as USCG-approved flotation device.

This is going to hell in a hand-job! / What in masturbation?! / Fallopian out loud! / No shit, short-cock.

Do You Remember Rock ’n’ Roll Radio? (It was Kind of Like Spotify) / The KKK Took My Baby Away (And Way Too Many People Seem Okay with That)

Light Blue - You were born on November 17, 1994. You are 24 years old. You are male. If you were not gay before, you are now. No one knows it yet.

Including tracks like "Did You Know I Have a British Beau?", "Hey, Bitch—I'm a Feminist (Sponsored by Apple Music)", and "ME! (Kidz Bop Remix)".

1. Sept 5, 2000 - The Band One / Identifying Marks: Your HS boyfriend’s crappy ska band logo. / Acquired From: Back seat of said boyfriend’s POS car.

1. August 8, 1996 - The Maroon One / Identifying Marks: Band logo on the front. / Missing From: Back seat of your POS first car.

5:35PM: Turn down a one-way street going in the opposite direction. I read somewhere that street signs don't apply when you only have two wheels.

The crowd exploded, and it hit me: the game is going into extra innings, and I’m going to have to endure another four torturous years of Trump.

Betsy & Benji, Sewing the Body Electric: Betsy Ross's flag-sewing prowess inspired warriors to greatness. Benjamin Franklin's magnetism was electric.

Hannibal Buress: You learned what feminism is from "Broad City," and you’re not 100% on board with it yet.