I Wish Cats Would Get Depressed Like the Rest of Us (Especially Me)
I got a cat to cheer me up, and frankly I've never been more miserable. If only cats got depressed, that sure would brighten up my day.
Tag: Lonely
Revealing Excerpts From Winnie the Pooh’s Diary
June 17: Eeyore finally offed himself. We all knew it was coming, and what did we do? Did nothing, sed nothing. I shood have been a better friend. I shood have been there fore him.
Melania Hates Me, But at Least I Still Have the Support of the American People
You've all seen Melania being cold to me. No hand holding, eye rolls, ignoring, walking separately, bad, bad. But I'm not upset because at least the American people still love me.
Millennial Charlotte Brontë Goes to the Mall
One listen to HIM, the Finnish lords and saviors whose hit single "Killing Loneliness" contains the secret to living, and Gloom's gospel will quickly unmask the jolly tendencies you maintain.
Tao of a Lowlife: A Message from the Guy Who Still Lives in Your Hometown
It frustrates you to know I get laid more than you. I have chicken legs and a cartoonish beer belly. I have a hooknose and my eyes are a bit too close together.
Will Someone Please Sleep With My Son?
My son is sick, and he needs your help. You see, there is only one way to cure him of the disease known as virginity: you must have sex with him.
How to Deal With Being Bullied at Camp
Being bullied at camp is much different than being bullied at school, at home, on the internet, or at a Game of Thrones cosplay convention.
Darth Vader Tries Speed Dating
Why are you in a black bodysuit again? And what's up with that helmet? Why do you wear a mask anyway, Mr. Mystery?
Mixer Helps Lonely Man Finally Surpass Father
A spur-of-the-moment party saves desperate, lonely man Danny Aleman from social oblivion and family patheticism.
The REAL Ultimate Guide to Making Adult Friends
Making adult friends can be difficult. But I've broken the process down into six easy steps that will catapult you into social butterfly status before you even know it!
6 Things Every Introvert Will Understand
What happened to you? You use to be so full of life, now all you do is scroll through Internet lists, day in and day out. Well, this is an intervention.
What If… Whatever
What if tomorrow you woke up and were a bear? Would you go in the woods? If you did, what if nobody was happy about it? What if you didn’t care?