Welcome to the Mundane Terror of Your Day in Court
Is this real life? This lawsuit has consumed your mind, your nerves, your days, your marriage for the better part of four years.
Tag: Men
Shout-Outs to All the Special Guys Exhibiting Common Human Decency
How about a round of applause for the Starbucks barista who didn’t ask what else I like strong and hot on a summer afternoon.
I’m a Foot in a Quentin Tarantino Film and I’ll Have You Know I Received an MFA from RADA
You may have seen my great uncle play the severed hand in the original Addams Family or my grandmother play the Wicked Witch of the East.
Steven + Madison, Forever
There were so many things I wanted to tell you while I was twelve, and now I’m thirteen and don’t have the balls---I’m all sweaty pits and dry mouth.
Boarding Announcements for the Class Conscious
If you are an emperor, tsar, sultan, raja, or king and wield unconditional power over trembling masses, their majesties are kindly invited to board.
Little-Known Presidential Facts
Grover Cleveland was not the first, nor last, president to wear a diaper while in office, but was the first to wear a diaper made of human flesh.
Sharp-Dressed John Doe v. ZZ Top
By all accounts, my client satisfied the legal definition of a sharp dressed man. And yet, the ladies did not come a-runnin' just as fast as they can.
An Open Letter to My Male Colleagues Who Appear to Be Annoyed By My Constant Apologizing
I’m never totally sure what rises to the occasion of repentance, but I get the distinct feeling most things do?
Timeline of the Socially Anxious Navigating a Summer BBQ
1:37 PM: Host will say that, “things should get cooking here in about 5 minutes!” This will be torture and will leave you craving a cheeseburger.
I’m Not Like Other Girls, I’m a Reptilian Agent Sent to Destroy Humankind
I don’t dress for the male gaze. I dress to cover my biohazardous innards so no one detects I’m a heat-seeking scaled creature.
I, The Boogeyman, Think You Should Vaccinate Your Child
What’s the point of locating a family to scare and waiting under a bed, if when I crawl out to scare the kid, they’re not even in there?
Trying to Explain My Statement Fashion Choices to My Mother
Dad’s old tennis sneakers: You dated him in college when he wore these sneakers and you seemed to like them just fine back then.