Shady Hills Youth Soccer Club’s U-8 Girls Team is Not Meant to Be Fun
A 6-2 record with one game left? With five players training at Elite, we should be undefeated. Heck, we should shut out every team in this league.
Tag: Men
Creative Ways to Get Out of Conversations With Men Who Just Learned Who Nietzsche Is
Ask if his idea of the Übermensch is also white, ya know, like he is. No way to cut off an Aryan like bringing up the Holocaust.
I Know, I Look Exactly Like Bradley Cooper
I also have a picture of the two of us on my phone so you know exactly how similar we look.
Hair Loss Got You Down? Try the Mountain Hermit Cure
Where are all the people who keep saying you look like Dr. Evil? Who cares! You have to survive a -40 degree blizzard by finding a cave to sleep in!
Elizabeth Holmes Proves Women Are Just as Good at Committing Fraud as the Guys
Who faced more adversity than when Elizabeth was defrauding people based on an invention that was scientifically impossible? No one, that’s who.
Erotica by a Woman Pretending to Be a Man Who is Pretending to Be a Woman
Her nipples were like CD-ROMS, perfectly circular, and any man could see themselves in them.
The Girl of My Dreams Was a Paid Advertisement
Our love blossomed with the speed of a carefully edited, 30-second commercial for prescription diarrhea medicine.
RE: The Restless Dead Haunting the Office
Could we reschedule our 3:00? A rift between this world and the next has opened in the conference room, and we can’t hear client calls over the endless torture of the damned.
Things I, A Super Progressive White Man, Am Willing to Forgive Beto O’Rourke
Having sex with my wife. She was planning to vote for Kamala Harris and not Beto prior to their sexual encounter.
Man Delivery Kits for the Single Lady
Finally a solution to your social single anxiety! "Bacchus’ Mission" delivers a man in a tiny vessel that you can toss in your freezer until a party.
Ideas for Mending Your Relationship with the IRS after Being Caught Cheating on Taxes
Remind the IRS of simpler tax days. Create an apology collage out of all the old receipts you filed when you first entered the workforce.
Bigheaded People Want the Medical Recognition They Deserve
Have you ever been out shopping and you try on a super-cute top and it gets stuck and you look like you’re wearing a nun costume?