An Open Apology From Fred Durst, Who Did Not Mean to Do It All for The Nookie
Once desirous of The Nookie, I found it began to stifle me, the voice of my generation. I became the gatekeeper of what was and was not Nookie.
Tag: Men
I Was Going to Do Dry January But Then I Was Kidnapped by a Band of Pirates
I’m disappointed in myself for not finishing Dry January (and for raiding Tortuga), but now I have new friends and I learned how to load a powder keg.
10 Male Variants of “Resting Bitch Face”
Resting Pitch Face – Appears on the verge of talking to you about his screenplay, TV pilot, or tech startup (avoid elevators).
Where the Hell are All the Snowmen?
Every snowstorm, I was out in my front yard. That is your duty as a child in America. These snowflakes need to buck up and make a fucking snowman.
It’s Me, Good Ol’ Michael-Joe Moderate, Here to Critique These Lefty Ladies Before I Deign to Enter the Race
Now, believe me, no one respects #MeToo more than Good Ol’ Michael-Joe Moderate. I respect it so much that I’ll say it’s gone too far.
I Had My Face Torn Off By a Bear and Lived to Write This Op-Ed About Vaccination
I know I certainly didn't fight my way through twelve miles of wilderness with no face to allow big government to turn all of our kids autistic.
The Future of Offices: Dirt Floors with No Furniture
It’s part of a system called “Symbiotic Habitation via Environmental Design,” or SHED. It’s also called SHED because it’s basically just a shed.
My 2019 Resolutions According to Things Men Said to Me in 2018
“You should smile more” – To remedy my resting bitch face, I am going to pull my lips apart with duct tape so that I will have a permanent smile.
The Best Fyre Festival Content Coming Out in 2019
"Fyre Fight": An anticipatory look back at the time-wasting Fyre Fest content wars of 2019.
The Internalized Fantasies of a Queer Latino-American Boy
“I’m not racist,” I say, laughing. “The first guy who sexually assaulted me was white.”
An Apology from That One Friend Who Takes the Super Bowl Too Seriously
I’m sorry I climbed a utility pole outside during halftime to hang a handmade flag with my team’s logo.
A Day in the Life of a Maroon 5 Member Who is Not Adam Levine
9:07 PM: You wonder if you were actually the one who made the comment about the band name and have been replaced by an Adam Levine. You’re not sure.