Donald Trump’s Criterion Top 10
"The Royal Tenenbaums" is a movie about people who have so much money but also no money, which I promise you, folks, I promise you that's possible.
Tag: Men
Mosquitos: The Best Support System You Never Knew You Had
You’re probably taking a hard look at yourself, reeling with guilt at the thought of all the poor, innocent, mother mosquitos you’ve smooshed.
Cap’n Crunch and Tony the Tiger Are Still Fighting About the National Anthem Kneelings and It’s Ruining My Mornings
“You see what you did?” Cap’n Crunch said, frowning at Tony, “You just had to roar. Whatever happened to civility in this country?”
A Funeral Director’s Guide on How Best to Die
When you die, it won’t likely be a bunch of vultures or a serial killer who see you last. It will be me, your friendly neighborhood mortician.
4 Leather Jackets That May Not Be Able to Fix Your Broken Relationship With Your Daughter, But Will Make You Look Cool as Hell
Marlon Brando famously wore this style of jacket in "The Wild One," but he was later jailed for being deemed “too sexy” and died in prison.
Help! There’s a Ghost in My Apartment and It Keeps Talking About the Same Three “Office” Episodes
I can’t get any sleep. Everywhere I go in my apartment the ghost follows me and keeps saying, “Remember the part…” and “What about when…”
Drinking Games for American Politics in 2018
Sip a Mai Tai every time you fantasize about escaping to a beach somewhere where the alt-right will never find you.
New World Order Seeking Enthusiastic Intern (Spring 2019)
We are looking for an energetic, passionate intern approximately 80-83 years old with an ability to learn and grow with the organization.
How to Survive Various Animal Attacks
Bees: When being chased by a swarm of bees, stop, face the bees, and challenge one bee to a duel. The other bees will have to honor the duel.
Even Though I Am an Astronaut Whose Mom Had to Pick Him Up Early From Space, I Still Deserve Respect
The worst part was that a local news team ran a story that the reason my mom picked me up was because I was scared.
Writers With Benefits
Section 3: Foreplay: All types of textual foreplay is permitted, such as feeling really guilty when asking for feedback on their TV pilot.
Night at the Museum: Constitutional Crisis
Twenty-first Amendment (Abolition of Prohibition) This former frat-bro is a highly functioning alcoholic. Currently a member of the federal judiciary.