Writers With Benefits
Section 3: Foreplay: All types of textual foreplay is permitted, such as feeling really guilty when asking for feedback on their TV pilot.
Tag: Men
Night at the Museum: Constitutional Crisis
Twenty-first Amendment (Abolition of Prohibition) This former frat-bro is a highly functioning alcoholic. Currently a member of the federal judiciary.
Highlights From Squanto’s Plymouth Colony Twitter Feed
“What’s the deal with @Massasoit contradicting himself everytime he mentions me in a tweet or talks to the press?”
Things I Would Rather Do at Thanksgiving Dinner Than Answer Questions About My Personal Life
Give a TED talk to my family titled "The Evolution of My Personal Blogs," except every time I would usually say “blog” I have to say “blerg.”
The Essential Infowars Supplements
Super Male Vitality: We went to a gas station and bought every dick pill that we could. Then we crushed them up and put them into a vial.
How Writers Throughout History Have Beaten Their Writer’s Block
Lewis Carroll (1832-1898 CE, Writer): An early adopter of a classic writer’s block cure, Carroll’s method was simple: drugs.
Idiot Humans Love When AI Jumbles Up Words
The human appeared to be leaking water from its eyes while reading “Baby this is your back,” “All of our umbrellas are so in love,” & “Lose Your Ya!”
Six Ways I Want Dwanye “The Rock” Johnson to Crush Me
In a handshake between him and a fellow Ballers star. Dwayne would gently cradle you in his palm before pressing you into the hand of Rob Corddry.
I Am a Funny, Funny Book in a Barnes & Noble Display and I Want to Be With Your Niece
Let me guess: 21? Barnard student? Appears edgy at holidays, but how edgy? You wouldn't know. Perhaps... I can help.
DMs to a Young Influencer
I’m not ignoring your DMs, young influencer, it’s that I am seeing what content-oceans you swim to on your own. With isolation comes solitude.
Who Watches Your Instagram Stories at Night
Your mom; Dude you haven't seen since elementary school---didn’t he go to jail?; Memorial account for your deceased friend.
Now That the House is Democratic, I’m Turning My Life Around
I will not be completely terrified every time I see a white man wearing a red hat. All my lunches will be Soylent.