I’m a 9-1-1 Operator Who Loves the Movie “Titanic”
With all due respect, let me tell you what an actual emergency is: when Rose’s necklace went missing and they blamed poor Jack for stealing it.
Tag: Men
House Haunters: HGTV’s New Spooky Halloween Show
Two ghosts are ready to make a move to the city, will they find an eternal haunt?
Me, Frankenstein Monster, Am Victim of Angry Mob and Me Blame George Soros
Fake News say it bad thing that me want Bavaria to be good neighbor of Transylvania. Say Dracula sadistic bloodsucking despot.
Jack-o’-Lantern Designs That Say “We’re Filing for Divorce”
A Jack-o'-Polyamory-Pamphlets: Nothing says, "we’re leaving each other," like joining separate sex cults.
H.P. Lovecraft Reviews His Recent Amazon Purchases
Sun Lamp for Seasonal Affective Disorder, One Star: I returned this lamp to Amazon. With luck it will sleep eternally in the depths of their warehouses.
Leaving Neil Armstrong’s Homemade Banner Out of “First Man” Ignores That the Moon Landing was a Completely Individual Achievement
When finally he stepped out onto the moon, he spoke those iconic first words: "Look what I did.... all by myself… with no one's help."
An Inside Look at the Crack Marketing Team at Pornhub
If I’ve already showered I’ll typically just pour something sticky on my head like honey or maple syrup and pretend it was an accident.
[Title Blocked Until You Pledge To My Patreon]
Yes, I sold ad space at the end of that paragraph. Yes, I know that the end of the first paragraph is traditionally where the humorous premise goes.
Advice to My Son from Beyond the Grave
And finally, my son, I will assume that at this point you have started your own Westworld recap podcast so as not to let my legacy die with my body.
Christopher Columbus Discovered Heaven
The only problem with Heaven is that it doesn’t last long, depending on how strong your beans are, and so the key is to keep drinking more of it.
I’m Trying to Be a Supportive Field Hand, But I’m Sick of Listening to the Farmer Complain About the Curse a Witch Put on His Land
Every day the farmer moans about how he’s worried he’ll have no crops to sell this year and won't be able to afford his mortgage, blah blah blah.
Mar-a-Lago Bath Bombs
Use the (Space) Force: Lavender, yuzu, and citrus form their own sixth military branch... mission: self-care!