Unlike My Medical License, My Friendships with My Patients Are Real
My patients are my best friends. Where would I be if they hadn't let me crash on their couches after the mob found out I'm sleeping at my office?
Tag: Men
My Only Regret is That I Have But 96 Lives Per Day to Give For My Country by Wayne LaPierre
While a Nathan Hale could die but once, I, Wayne LaPierre, must oversee a daily sacrifice nearly five score that many Americans from gun violence.
Hollywood Launching Cinematic Universe About Fruit
Citrus: Blood Orange: An orange (Liam Neeson) will team up with soil (Leonardo DiCaprio) to unravel why other oranges in the grove are exploding.
If You Do This While Driving a Convertible, Things Will Definitely End Badly
Despite being on a winding mountain road, and wearing noise-cancelling headphones, rise over the wheel, lift your legs, and perform a handstand.
I Didn’t Spend Four Years at Juilliard Studying Percussion To Be Called “Mr. Tambourine Man”
"You'll come following me in the jingle jangle morning," will you? You're going to stalk me? Is that a threat?
“Bro Code Insurance” is Here for All of Your After-Death Bro Needs
Who will have access to your computer after you pass on? Your girlfriend? Your niece? Your grandmother?
Michael Chabon Makes a Root Beer Float
With the precision of a casino dealer cutting a deck of cards, I scooped two large scoops of vanilla ice cream and put them into the frosty mug.
Business Proposal: It’s Like MoviePass, But for *Throws Dart* Escape Rooms
We will target the *shuffles a deck of cards and flips a card* ace of diamonds to jack of clubs age bracket, which we'll say is 16-28 years old.
Who’s the Ultimate GOAT: Jordan, LeBron, or These Baby Goats Standing on the Backs of People Doing Yoga?
Michael and LeBron do not like mountain climbing. They’re just not any good at it. Conversely, Baby Goat can scale a mountain like nothing.
Studio Notes on First Draft of “Thai Cave Rescue: The Movie”
Could be difficult for a broader audience to empathize with protagonists who are all young, Thai boys. Angelina Jolie has just become available!
The Ballad of the Inept Geneticist
I am the Inept Geneticist So send to me your best spitting And for you I’ll manufacture A heritage more befitting
My Statement on Sacha Baron Cohen Tricking Me Into Letting the Trojan Horse Into Troy
In character as “Yusef Frankfurter,” he told me that he wanted his next project to be about a very handsome and courageous mayor.