A Line-By-Line Translation of a White Politician’s Spanish
Candidate: (unintelligible) Translation: Probably a profession of love for taco bowls?
Tag: Men
You Are Warmly Invited to Our Family Reuni(ficati)on Celebration
Keep in mind: we have a "zero-tolerance policy" on tardiness!
After Watching 10,000 Hours of Jordan Peterson YouTube Lectures, I Finally Understand What It Means to be a Real Man
I’m not sure what the hell he’s talking about, but as a practicing clinical psychologist, he probably knows something that I don’t.
Crossfit Funeral
D-Mo had made a lot of gains over the past year, but he still had so many gains ahead of him. I guess that’s what makes this so difficult.
Unlike My Medical License, My Friendships with My Patients Are Real
My patients are my best friends. Where would I be if they hadn't let me crash on their couches after the mob found out I'm sleeping at my office?
My Only Regret is That I Have But 96 Lives Per Day to Give For My Country by Wayne LaPierre
While a Nathan Hale could die but once, I, Wayne LaPierre, must oversee a daily sacrifice nearly five score that many Americans from gun violence.
Hollywood Launching Cinematic Universe About Fruit
Citrus: Blood Orange: An orange (Liam Neeson) will team up with soil (Leonardo DiCaprio) to unravel why other oranges in the grove are exploding.
If You Do This While Driving a Convertible, Things Will Definitely End Badly
Despite being on a winding mountain road, and wearing noise-cancelling headphones, rise over the wheel, lift your legs, and perform a handstand.
I Didn’t Spend Four Years at Juilliard Studying Percussion To Be Called “Mr. Tambourine Man”
"You'll come following me in the jingle jangle morning," will you? You're going to stalk me? Is that a threat?
“Bro Code Insurance” is Here for All of Your After-Death Bro Needs
Who will have access to your computer after you pass on? Your girlfriend? Your niece? Your grandmother?
Michael Chabon Makes a Root Beer Float
With the precision of a casino dealer cutting a deck of cards, I scooped two large scoops of vanilla ice cream and put them into the frosty mug.
Business Proposal: It’s Like MoviePass, But for *Throws Dart* Escape Rooms
We will target the *shuffles a deck of cards and flips a card* ace of diamonds to jack of clubs age bracket, which we'll say is 16-28 years old.