A Fancy Cat Writes to His Least Favorite Cat Sitter
Your caterwauling rendition of “Another One Bites the Dust” did not qualify as entertainment. The accompanying “moonwalk” was spectacularly dreadful.
Tag: Men
Adam Duritz of Counting Crows’ New Theme Park “Round Here Land”
Talk Like Lions and Sacrifice Like Lambs. Things get a little wild in Round Here Land’s animatronic-powered “Frontier Country”!
8 Things You Should Never Say on a First Date
Negative and disgusting things you should save until at least the second date, if you're lucky enough to get that far.
An Open Letter to Greedy Los Angeles Homeowners
We are keen to invest three decades of savings into your property and excited to put in our offer after looking for the perfect teardown for so long.
Open Letter from a White Gay
Did you assume it was easy for all of us to bleach our hair two months after coming out? No. But we all did it. Every single one of us.
The Many Phones of Michael Cohen
7. Michael Cohen calls his tailors with this phone. When ordering suits he tends to use the phrase “make someone notice me, please.”
An Open Letter to the Adult Man in Target Who Decided He Didn’t Want Keebler’s Coconut Dreams
As I picked up the box of cookies, I imagined a world where everyone thought it was okay to leave items they didn’t want anymore wherever they please.
We’re Recruiting for Our Libertarian Utopia!
We had a few incidents in which some misused their legally acquired, weaponized smallpox strains, but that's a small price to pay for freedom.
I Can’t Have Communication Issues, I Majored in Communications
I have communication issues? That's funny because in the eyes of the University of Illinois School of Communications, I am a master of communication.
Truthful Alumni Magazine Class Notes
Juan Baerga, ‘10, has only ever used what he learned from his $160,000 engineering degree in determining which piece to remove in Jenga.
The Thunder in Paradise: Poems Created From Interviews With Hulk Hogan
I mean, dude, it's laid back, all this beautiful atmosphere and peace. But things are definitely moving in the right direction for me, thank god.
Failed TV Show Pitches for Disgraced Male Entertainers
Frankly With Al Franken: Al Franken in a room, speaking frankly about political news. We know we shouldn’t want this to exist, but we quietly do.