The Book was Better
The movie starred the multi-talented and gregarious Luke Wilson, but the book taught me the word "gregarious." The book was better.
Tag: Mental
How to Play the Guitar for Morons
Let’s be honest, everyone wants to play the guitar. What you need are beginner guitar lessons from an undiscovered genius.
Top Places for Dudes to Cry
Don't cry in a work bathroom---a co-worker or boss might see your shoes, hear you crying, and think you poop too hard.
Memorandum to Our DC Law Office RE: New Business
The "Gold-Gilt Family Plan," for multiple members of the same family that are involved in the same case.
I Am a Designer with a Capital “D” and This Temper-Tantrum I’m Throwing Right Now is My Latest Masterpiece
The swivel chair’s flying across the room, its arc through the air a simple yet astute critique of warming global temperatures.
Ways to Straight Up Chill with Your Homeboy, Even Though He’s Always Chasing a Cartoon Bird
At a certain point, your homeboy Wile E. must realize there's more to life than trying to murder some bird. Like chilling on a perfect afternoon.
A Healthy Guide for Dealing With Loneliness
Watching other people play video games on YouTube, crying, and masturbating hasn't helped you find anybody yet. So, what's the real problem?
Five Power Ties to Match Your Ruthless Expression As You Testify Against Your Best Friend
As you point at Michael, his eyes won't stray from yours, but everyone on that jury will take note of the way you're dressed.
Seasonal Wedding Themes That Scream “I AM UNIQUE!”
Spring weddings are the worst. So do as I did, and have another Winter theme: "Snuggled Up By the Fireplace While People Outside Freeze to Death."
Martha Stewart’s Recipe for the Disappointment in All of Us
Hey ya'll, it's me, Martha Stewart, and I'm here to tell you that even you can can succeed in baking this very simple, very disappointing recipe.
A Pitch for My TV Show “Finding Bigfoot and Also My Biological Parents If We Have Time”
The show aims to capture clear and undoctored footage of Bigfoot. Also, if we run into my biological parents along the way, that'd be pretty neat, too.
Focus On Your Breath, Inhale Deeply, Now Exhale Slowly—Congratulations, You’ve Entered Manual Breathing Mode
Now that you're thinking about your breath every second of every day, your entire life from here on out is just one long yoga class. Congrats!