Requests for My Make-A-Wish Bachelor Party
Dear Make-A-Wish Foundation, I've recently been given three weeks to live. Because I am 12 and have not yet experienced a bachelor party, here is my list of requests.
Tag: Mental
Don’t Underestimate Me, I’m an Absolute Madman
"I CAN'T DO THIS! I'M NOT A HERO!" I screamed, but then I turned around and looked into the eyes of a nation of adorable, hairless little Pygmies who believed in me.
Feel Good Grub, The Ice Cream for Emotionally Unstable People
Whether you're getting through a tough breakup, have low self-esteem, or just lack self control, Feel Good Grub is perfect for piggy little stress eaters like you.
A Not-So-Routine Checkup with the Doctor in My Fever Dream
DOCTOR: First, your brain. It’s no good. You have a condition known as neuromaniacosis. It means you whine too much.
The Embarrassing Origin of the Douchiest Gym Word Ever
The barbwire tattoo around this douchebag's arm essentially screamed, "None of my shirts have sleeves and I punch walls when I get insecure about my small penis!"
Listen Carl, You Need to Stop Saying Schadenfreude All the Time
I know for a fact that schadenfreude is the only German word you know. Try saying kugelschreiber or apfelsaft in a sentence and have it actually mean something.
The One Way to Guarantee You’ll Get a Job
I'm using the same "expect less" philosophy expressed by golfer Brooks Koepka, who said that it took him so long to win because he was "trying too badly."
Will These Politically Correct Millennials Stop Pointing Out My Character Flaws?
When I was younger, me and my other white male friends could have serious and rational discussions about things without being so easily offended.
I Used to Be Materialistic, Then I Got This Buddha Statue
I can't help but be ashamed of how materialistic I used to be. I guess I should just be happy that buying this Buddha statue on Amazon made me the person I am today.
Welcome to The Wachowski Home for Unremarkable Orphans
At The Wachowski Home, we believe that each of our orphans is generic and unremarkable in their own unoriginal way. Join us for basic living standards and practical preparation.
10 Tips for Leading a Balanced Lifestyle
Leading a balanced life is difficult. But with a little bit of hope, patience, understanding, and a simple reading of this article, I can help you achieve it!
Existential Thoughts of a Giant Whose Fingernail is the Resting Place of an Entire Universe
Every day I put off cutting my nail only means that when I inevitably do, the annihilation of whole universes will be that much more substantial.