Is It Valentine’s Day or Did You Just Take Too Much Peyote?
You realize you are alone and so is your spirit, crushing you with the existential terror that you are irreparably flawed at the cellular level.
Tag: Mental
19th Century Asylum or Modern Daycare?
You approach a crying person and ask what’s the matter. They say, “Nothing.” Seconds later that person is interacting jovially with a colleague.
Self-Guided Meditation for You Lonely People This New Year
Take a moment to become aware of the sounds around you. Tune out your next-door neighbors who won’t stop having elaborate sex.
Mom, I Would Like to Watch the Cartoon Movie about Death Again
30 minutes in, dad dug his guitar out of the closet and then openly wept when he realized he had forgotten the chords to even the simplest song.
How to Look Like You Know Where You’re Going When You Clearly Don’t
Think something along the lines of “My oven is on!” or “I have a deadline to meet!” hold up your index finger in the air, and abruptly turn around.
“Reaching Across the Aisle to Better Ignore Your Base” Team-Building Itinerary
10:00 AM Icebreaker: Hot Potato – Toss the Responsibility of a Stimulus Package Back and Forth Without Letting It Touch the Ground or Help Anyone
24 Hours in a House You Never Even Liked That Much
The drawer that still sticks, the third night of leftovers, the same old view out the window: just a few reasons travelers find us so unforgettable.
How “Done” Are the Dishes in “Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead,” According to Famous Philosophers
Nietzsche: The dishes cannot be done because they are no longer dishes; they are merely objects awaiting their next social construction by humans.
Everything in the Notes App on Your Phone
Journal entries dissecting a previous relationship / Bad poetry / Concerns to share with doctor / Reminder to self to be more crafty
Managing the Growing Expectations and Emotional Burden of Three Spotify Playlist Subscribers
While my playlist has exploded, so too have the expectations of my fans. Artistically, I’m under pressure. Personally—I’m in the danger zone.
How to Assert Yourself When a Buick Cuts Off Your Sick Subaru WRX
Your blood boils and your molars grind. Your throat rumbles with a primal growl. Now put those feelings into a five-step plan of action.
How to Ensure Your Grandchild Suffers for Decades After Your Passing
Are you sinister enough? Do you relish the insulin whiplash of your grand-twit's metabolism as he devours a Werther’s Originals from your hand?