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Here in Human Resources, we are consistently e-applauding each and every one of our hard-working, self-sacrificing rockstars.
Tag: Money
Please Take Notice: If You Ordered an IHOP Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity Breakfast between March 14, 2016 and August 4, 2017, You May Be Entitled to Compensation
If you ate all that, we’re astonished you are alive to read this notice. Your arteries must be as hard as bricks.
A Guide to Avoid Being Mugged for Dummies
Keep all your pockets slick with oil. You can humiliate them further by saying, "What's the matter bud? Can't get a grip?"
I Finished Making My First Batch of Chardonnay for My New Wine Company and I’m Looking Forward to Selling It in 17 Years
Once the chardonnay finishes aging in early 2039, we need a little more labor out of you before your first check.
Because Ayn Rand’s Birthday and Groundhog Day Overlap, You Are Now Trapped in an Endless Loop of Capitalism
Any attempts to unionize will bounce you to the beginning of your shift at your second job driving for Uber, over and over again.
Translation Guide for Our Company’s Return Policy
"Print out a prepaid shipping label." We’re aware there’s no logical reason for a partly-employed 24-year-old to have a printer.
This Looks Like Yet Another Unpaid Job for Superman!
Unfortunately, I do have to make a living. As it turns out, the only subject I’m really educated on—beyond punching things—is a dying industry.
I Beseech Thee, Land-Lord, for Thy Forbearance with Rently Payments
How lucky are we to have a youngly Master of Business Administration as land-lord! Thou hast every right to levy rents from my labour.
Well, Gang, We Completely Failed to Save the Rec Center
I really believed that a gang of scrappy, oddball teenage underdogs like us could pull this off against all odds.
I Give In: I Would like to Purchase Some of Your Incredible Essential Oils
I am so tired. So worn down. I don't want to fight this anymore. Please. Send me a bottle of Lavender Serenity, because it's time to give in.
I’m a Lawyer, So No, You’re Not Allowed to Criticize Me for Defending Child Slavery
While I try to have a thick skin about all this, I must admit it’s pretty disturbing when I hear a critic imply that I’m in some way morally culpable for the clients I choose.
The True and Indisputable Meaning of Christmas
Remember the true meaning of the holiday: Getting some $15 shit from Target and being done with it.