If This Is a Scam Email, Why Am I Running for Congress as a Democrat?
FirstName, I am appalled at how my Republican opponent, Landsley Thornbeck, has been representing Name of State.
Tag: Money
Employees, Use These Tips When Answering Questions About the Global Supply Chain
Ordering things online and choosing in-store pickup rips an irreparable hole in space-time. The two cannot co-exist.
A Guideline for Buying Your First (and Let’s Face It, Probably Last) Truck
Do you need one that’s beefy enough to pull a livestock trailer if you decide to offer goat yoga at the staycation glampground you're planning?
The Babadook No Longer Lives in This Book, Which Unfortunately Reduces Its Value at Auction
That’s right, the book's value at auction is thirty dollars without the Babadook.
I Own Bob’s Nut Kicker Funhouse, and No One Wants to Work Anymore
We offer employees (or Smash Testes Dummies as they’re known around here) a competitive salary of $2.50 an hour plus any tips!
When You Say “Bite Me” to a Solicitation
Your comment was “Bite me.” Since you did not check any of the five action boxes we provided, we are not sure what action to take.
That There’s Oil. Texas Tea. Economy Slime. Hot Rockolate.
Iced lava. Coal brew. There Was Blood, A Long Time Ago. Dinosaur Smoothie. Tyrannosaurus rocks. Triceratopped off.
Kickstarter Update #37 – Our 3D Printed Water Bottles and Co-founder Are Being Held Hostage by Pirates
From what Eric told me before his cell phone cut out, these bottles are entirely worth the extra eight months of R&D.
Our Artisanal Tacos Are So Damn Good You’ll Happily Hand Over Your Identity as Payment
What do we do with all the identities people pay with? That’s none of your business. They were handed over in a totally legitimate transaction.
A Friendly Reminder That We Still Have Your Son Held for Ransom
We appreciate you're probably busy. And trust us, we're normally never this needy in ransoms.
Is Your Life Dysfunctional or Quirky Enough to Write a Factually Disputed Memoir?
Did you grow up in a modest house, or the suburbs, or a brownstone, or a symbolically dilapidated mansion?
Dear Valued Customer: You Can’t Run from These Deals Forever
Okay, now we're starting to get mad. What kind of civilized person puts items in their shopping cart and just leaves them there?