Uncle Sam Wants YOU to Auction Off a Meme to Pay for Your Gallbladder Removal
I’m here to tell you that for your upcoming, serious, life-threatening gallbladder removal surgery, you’re on your own, kiddo.
Tag: Money
It’s Time to End Unemployment Benefits and Put In an Honest Day’s Work at the Rainforest Cafe
Think of all the times you said, "I wish I could provide for my family by working somewhere that played realistic thunderstorm sound effects every 17 minutes."
I’m Not Panicking, I’m Just Buying Up All the Gas Because I’m the Most Important Person on Earth
You might think I’m completely oblivious to the concept of shared social norms and values, and the fact is—you’re right.
Financial Planning for the Jigsaw Killer
Three tricycles, $170.00? What does a man need with three tricycles? I’ve never once seen him exercise!
All of the Worst People in Your Life Are Now Bitcoin Millionaires
Roy was always trying to make a quick buck. He had all the best schemes in high school, and he also never had any money when the bill came.
Advice to Bill Gates from One Divorced Man to Another
If you're like me, I imagine Melinda blindsided you with some out-of-no-where comment about how you’re “constantly projecting yourself onto other people.”
Why Amazon’s New “Lord of the Rings” Show Is So Expensive
Bulk of budget devoted to keeping Aragorn looking as wet as possible at all times.
I’m a Superhero Who Saved the World Twice, and I Still Can’t Get a Bank Loan
All that changed when a (unnamed for legal purposes) billionaire “superhero” with no powers showed up and asked me to join his superhero team.
Four Benefits of Climate Change, According to a 19th Century Adventurer
Fair Britannia’s genius has warmed the globe with her belching smokestacks and engines of industry, and the cruel polar ice is in retreat.
8 Reboots That Literally Ruined Your Childhood and Also, Your Half of the Rent Is Due
Childhood = Ruined! Kind of like our trust with our landlord if we don’t get that rent in on time.
My Vision Board Works, But Each Goal I Achieve Comes at a Terrible Cost
Finally, he asked me in a deep Brooklyn accent, “You here for the vision board supplies?”
GoFundMe Profile: Help Me Live My Life Before I’m Forced to Get a Job by Mom
That’s me wearing the torn NASA t-shirt on my favorite couch. I uploaded this photo to show I’m a typical 39-year-old living in his Mom’s garage.