You Are Entirely to Blame
It is your blueberry Pop-Tarts that are killing the porpoises. Not your neighbor’s Pop-Tarts or that guy in Idaho’s Pop-Tarts.
Tag: Money
I’ve Been Expecting You: A Villain’s Guide to Preparing for the Protagonist’s Arrival
Have you found yourself in a position where your grand scheme will allow you to not only kidnap the governor’s daughter, but his wife as well?
A Letter from Uncle Steve in Hell: It’s Always January
In Hell, it’s always January, filled with dead Christmas trees and hungover souls bearing an extra fifteen post-holiday pounds.
Ten Targeted Ads That Were Too Targeted
Press mute on unsettling thoughts like this by turning up the volume on a new pair of Beats by Dr. Dre.
In Defense of Gap Years… Unless You Want to Hire Me
A gap year will help to make me the man I want to be. Unless you are planning to hire me, in which case: STOP READING. GIVE ME THE JOB.
Maybe the Real Stimulus Checks Were in Our Hearts All Along
I think the lesson is: the stimulus check isn't about being able to afford basic necessities. It's about reconnecting with a part of myself I lost.
Thank You, Government, But $600 Is Just Too Much Money for a Simple Man Like Me
I don't need nothin' special or luxurious. I am just a regular guy with simple tastes and One Dollar rent.
A Billion Saved Is a Billion Earned: Frugal Tips for the .000001%
Discover a side hustle such as giving speeches about your main hustle. / Learn to do basic household tasks like having sex with your own spouse.
Welcome, Santa’s Workshop, to the Amazon Corporate Family
Does this mean Santa's Workshop will close? Santa's Workshop will live on as a digital storefront competing with hundreds of counterfeiters.
Ten Best Toys for Wealthy Tots
Baby's First Oil Field Science Kit – Rebuild a scale model of the oil fields owned by great-great-grandpa Thurston Moneybags III!
An Open Letter to HR Departments Planning Zoom Holiday Parties
I hope this level of detail gives you a clear understanding of the lengths that many of us would go to avoid any more forced, holiday-themed fun.
Your Graduation Application Has Been Received and Will Be Reviewed in No Less and Probably More Than 5 Months
Seeing as though you sent in your application approximately 56 seconds after we sent out the form, you were a little too late.