Workplace Benefits Explained by a Toddler
Health Benefits: You go to the nurse and it's free! She gives you lollipop when you leave and 6 pats on back for good job not crying over bill.
Tag: Money
Diary of a Grocery Store Employee During Coronavirus
I scrolled through Twitter and saw a few Forrest Gump references. Why? And then the storm hit: A text from my mom, “Tom Hanks has coronavirus.”
A Message from a Company You Are Somehow Still Receiving Emails from Regarding COVID-19
We are adjusting our policy of requiring sick employees to come into work so we can laugh at them for being frail and weak.
The Five Stages of Grief for When You’ve Found a Magical Pot of Gold, But Keeping It Means Being Relentlessly Hunted by a Wee Murderous Irishman
DENIAL: Maybe this isn’t even a legitimate cursed pot of money. ANGER: But--fairy fortunes don’t usually come with a blood curse!
Can’t You Tell I’m Well-Traveled? I’ve Collected Many Diseases, Including Coronavirus
It is a well-known fact that only the most elite acquire specific, regional, life-threatening diseases as symbols of culture and refinement.
Could I Interest You in Bigfoot Insurance?
These uncovered trash bins might as well be a Bigfoot buffet. And one Bigfoot taking a dip in your pool will permanently clog the filter with hair.
Grown World: An Amusement Park for Adults
No Driver's License Bumper Cars: Like bumper cars, but only the child drives. You have to sit and incessantly pumping the imaginary brakes.
A Letter of Appreciation for “One Headlight” by the Wallflowers
People will call you a monster, and in a way, they’ll be correct: you are a monster---a monster fucking hit.
I Would Donate but I Don’t Think My $20 Million Can Make a Difference in This Election
They say every million counts but I just feel like another face in the crowd among all these millionaire donors.
FAQ for Newly Hired CEOs Still Learning to Be Assholes
Should I comment on my employees' ethnicity? We recommend a "don't ask don't tell" policy. Everyone should be white in your eyes.
I’m Handsome Harry, the Instagram Influencer, and I Just Want to Be a Normal Dog
It was never my life goal to be famous like Sir Charles Barkley, the French Bulldog. If I had my way, I’d be like Butch, the mutt who lives next door.
Planning on Eating the Rich? Here Are 15 Creative Recipes
Panko-Crusted Billionaire with a Brown Sugar Sweet Potato Souffle / Blueberry Muffins with Dark Truths about the Upper Class Chocolate Chips