What to Get the Person Who Has Everything
The Multi-Millionaire: They have it all. The husband, the mansion, the coke addiction. What could you, their friend in low places, get them?
Tag: Money
The Grinch Shouldn’t Be Prosecuted in the Court of Public Opinion
In Who-ville, critical thinking is not valued as a trait. No, rumor and hearsay are given far more weight.
I Demand You Take My Son off the Naughty List, Santa!
It pains me to think that the childhood I’ve carefully constructed for Trevin could come crashing down, all due to the ramifications of your bullying.
Santa, Please Turn All My Useless Christmas Presents into Gift Cards without My Loved Ones Noticing
My mom mailed me back my matching pajama set with a note, “Don’t bother wearing our family Christmas pajamas unless you ask for something fun."
Does This Crippling Existential Dread Make Me Look Fat?
This thing we call "life" is really just a painfully drawn out, cosmic joke. And I can’t tell if that’s what’s causing the bulge around my waistline.
5 Episodes of “DuckTales” Where Winter’s First Snowfall Coincided with Uncle Scrooge Explaining to His Grandnephews That Because They Were Not Human, God Would Not Welcome Them into the Kingdom of Heaven When They Died
Season 1, Episode 45 - Raiders of the Lost Harp: When Uncle Scrooge Bemoans That All His Riches Cannot Afford Him a Seat in God’s Kingdom
The Church Announces Changes to Try and Get Young People to Attend Mass
To help bring in the younger audience, the flock is now allowed to respond to “The Lord be with you” with “OK boomer.”
Dear Families That Share Holiday Letters
I noticed that you already posted those vacation photos online, but the evidence of just how wealthy your family is magneted to my fridge is a treat!
Your Holiday Guide to Not Supporting Local Artists
Enjoy this quaint seasonal attraction while skillfully dodging pesky shop attendants!
A Look into My Fiverr Request History
I am overwhelmed with reports I have to finish, so I need someone smart to finish them, but not smart enough that my boss knows it’s not from me.
Mom, Dad, I’m Dropping out of School, Moving to New York, and Pursuing My Dream of Being the Mayor of New York
The mayor scene is great in New York. The best in the world. There are tons of small elections that are friendly to newcomers.
While “Saving the World” Is a Nice Hobby, Don’t You Think It’s Time to Consider Graduate School, Superman?
Aren’t you tired of people mistaking you for a bird or a plane? With some higher education, they could recognize you as a local community leader.