How to Use the Internet, For Boomers
The internet is one big lie. If you think someone’s telling the truth online, then you’re lying to yourself.
Tag: Money
How to Enjoy Jazz
Jazz is a brilliant genre, America’s only original musical art form, apart from bluegrass, country, country Western, folk, and folk revival.
Open Letter from the Fake Socially Conscious Advertiser
I think you are so unintelligent that I can change your opinion on something like a fannypack by creating a commercial that depicts trendy values.
5 Times My Father Was Strapped for Cash So We Had to Pay Our Rent by Complimenting Our Landlord’s Horrendous Calf Tattoos
He has a visible tattoo of Tim Allen playing billiards with Tim Allen. (The second Tim Allen had red glowing eyes. He kept calling him “Dark Tim.”)
The Children of the Corn Give Thanks for Corn Subsidies
Thanks to the Farm Bill's protections, we can look after our community without having to do the murderous bidding of He Who Walks Behind the Rows.
Am I Describing My Broken Car to My Mechanic, or Describing My Miniature Labradoodle?
I know it’s not very masculine, but it’s really more for my family than anything. I would have gone with a bigger one if not for my wife.
I’m the Troll Living Under This Bridge and Only I Know Your Destiny Is to Be an Accountant
Being an accountant isn’t all about money, eating tuna sandwiches in the breakroom, and getting picked last for the company dodgeball team.
A Few Quick Announcements from the Flight Crew Here at Budjet, America’s Number One Most Affordable Airline
Your bags are important to you, but they're unpaying dead cargo to us and we are proud to be the only airline that has outlawed luggage on our fleet!
Bill Gates, I Implore You to Connect the Dots and Give Me a Couple Billion
Despite being “Employee of the Month” at the Chili’s I work at, this pales in comparison to the abysmal feeling of not being a billionaire.
Simon Says for Future Women in Power
Simon says stand on one foot, while also juggling four frying pans and reciting today’s history lesson on the Battle of Bunker Hill from memory.
Dear Wikipedia Readers, We’ll Get Right to It: We Need Your Money
That should say “eight million." I guess you could pay somebody to fix it or—wait, we do that for free, all for the cost of a cup of coffee, don’t we?
I Will Not Let Impostor Syndrome Get Me Down Just Because I’m an Actual Impostor
It has taken hard work to get to where I am. I am a self-made, set-a-guy-up-to-be-murdered-and-steal-his-identity kind of person.