Simon Says for Future Women in Power
Simon says stand on one foot, while also juggling four frying pans and reciting today’s history lesson on the Battle of Bunker Hill from memory.
Tag: Money
Dear Wikipedia Readers, We’ll Get Right to It: We Need Your Money
That should say “eight million." I guess you could pay somebody to fix it or—wait, we do that for free, all for the cost of a cup of coffee, don’t we?
I Will Not Let Impostor Syndrome Get Me Down Just Because I’m an Actual Impostor
It has taken hard work to get to where I am. I am a self-made, set-a-guy-up-to-be-murdered-and-steal-his-identity kind of person.
The Rules of Power According to a Teen in Charge of a Roller Coaster
They don’t know how to tame the most popular coaster in Central Jersey. You do.
To Thank LeBron James for His Brave Defense of China, We Will Be Forcing All of Our Political Prisoners to Watch “Space Jam 2”
I only hope that our political prisoners will love the movie as much as LeBron loves the money he'll get from it.
Modern Scares You’ll Encounter in a 2019 Haunted House
You flee down hallways. Everywhere, people are being NICE to each other! They jump out from the darkness, only to grab other people in huge hugs!
I Am Leaving My Job to Become a Cowboy Following the Success of My Halloween Costume
If you want a salesman who spends all day practicing spitting into a spittoon so it makes a "ping" noise, I’m your guy.
You Have to Learn Coding! It’s the Only Way to Survive the Job Market and the Wrath of Our Robot Overlords
It’s the only way to hack job market, make killer money, and convince our Robot Overlords to let you keep your original brain!
Welcome to Bone & Kibble, the First Restaurant with Dog Waiters
In traditional restaurants, you may feel societal pressure to treat your waiters with human decency, but there’s no pressure here.
Why I’m Leaving Lobbying for the Rich to Lobby for the Super-Rich
I started out as just an idealistic kid with nothing more than ambition, determination, and the portfolio of Fortune 500 clients my father gave me.
I’m Not an Out-Of-Touch Billionaire Politician, I Interact with Young People Every Day When I Feast on Their Souls for Energy
I literally feel their struggles, taste their fears, and nibble their dreams as the virile light in their eyes becomes my own.
Simon Says for Future Men in Power
Simon says tell your neighbor you never touched her butt, and she must be imagining things. This is "gaslighting" and will come in handy someday.