I’m Sorry I’m Only an Attempted Murderer
Your family has a long legacy of murderers, and you hoped to marry one yourself. You envisioned a picture-perfect life as a convicted murderer’s wife.
Tag: Money
14 Steps to Enter My Instagram Giveaway
I'm giving away the chance to enter a drawing for a trip for one to one of the most romantic destinations in the world: Calgary!
Chef Boyardee’s Last Hurrah
I present to you The Chef Boyardee Fuckayous, a meal that speaks for many immigrants (like myself) who are being deported from the United States.
Let’s Discuss the Global Hunger Epidemic Over by Our Company’s Free Snack Drawer
Did you know that there's a hunger epidemic going on? And more importantly, did you know that the office switched to ordering from Fresh Direct?
I Refuse to Be the Only One Responsible for Mom’s Birthday Present
I don’t need to remind you about the “Flower Pot Fiasco," the “Macaroni Art Disaster," or the “I Thought It Wasn’t Until Next Month” flop.
Honest Engagement Cards
I know we aren’t particularly close, but we do have a ton of friends in common, which means it would be a lot of fun for me to go to your wedding.
Real Estate Listings for Greenland, Britain, The White House, and More
Over two million square kilometers of sparsely populated land makes for an ideal getaway for those times when you really want to be alone.
Choose Your Own Adventure: Student Debt Forgiveness
2. Just a few dozens more hurdles to go. After graduating college, did you decide to take on even more debt by starting a business?
Actually, This IS My First Rodeo
Is there a changing area? I was thinking of wearing my cycling gear for the riding events because of the butt padding—makes my thighs look amazing.
Don’t Come to America Until You’ve Already Achieved the American Dream
I hear what you’re saying: this really clashes with the overall narrative we’ve built up in the past century.
Welcome to Other You: Box Subscriptions From the Multiverse
From your Lifestyle Influencer Universe: Eyelash extensions so huge and long they make it impossible to open your eyes. You’ll feel like Bambi!
Mysteries Involving the Rich and Powerful
The doors and windows are all open and the room is empty except for a puddle of water under the body. How can this be?