Money | Page 40 | Points in Case

Tag: Money

A quick moment to describe my surroundings: Chateau Gentleman is a leathery affair. Everything you could possibly imagine could be embroidered is so.

Fetch this bar of chocolate that would serve two or three of my adoring subjects, but which I will eat entirely by mine own self, as is my right.

Now, believe me, no one respects #MeToo more than Good Ol’ Michael-Joe Moderate. I respect it so much that I’ll say it’s gone too far.

I wish there were “other solutions.” But heavy drinking’s already been taken as a solution to politics.

“You should smile more” – To remedy my resting bitch face, I am going to pull my lips apart with duct tape so that I will have a permanent smile.

“I’m not racist,” I say, laughing. “The first guy who sexually assaulted me was white.”

In the event of a water landing, beneath your seat is a compartment that contains a credit card application in a waterproof pouch.

"Senior": You’re over 70 and must get your pills organized in that little plastic box with the SMTWTFS lids.

I arrived home to my apartment, fresh groceries in hand (despite the fact that I am never seen cooking, talking about food, or eating).

Rest assured, I have heard the cries from the people, and I’d like to consider myself extremely in tune with what they want: more centrism.

We prevailed! We, whose skins are sensitive to the winds that whip through the lobby when goddamn Liam doesn’t shut the door—marched into battle.

Did I mention my mom only gave me a hundred bucks in spending cash? She might as well have handed me Monopoly money. That’s just bad planning.