Money | Page 41 | Points in Case

Tag: Money

“You should smile more” – To remedy my resting bitch face, I am going to pull my lips apart with duct tape so that I will have a permanent smile.

“I’m not racist,” I say, laughing. “The first guy who sexually assaulted me was white.”

In the event of a water landing, beneath your seat is a compartment that contains a credit card application in a waterproof pouch.

"Senior": You’re over 70 and must get your pills organized in that little plastic box with the SMTWTFS lids.

I arrived home to my apartment, fresh groceries in hand (despite the fact that I am never seen cooking, talking about food, or eating).

Rest assured, I have heard the cries from the people, and I’d like to consider myself extremely in tune with what they want: more centrism.

We prevailed! We, whose skins are sensitive to the winds that whip through the lobby when goddamn Liam doesn’t shut the door—marched into battle.

Did I mention my mom only gave me a hundred bucks in spending cash? She might as well have handed me Monopoly money. That’s just bad planning.

I’ll be honest, we’re not going to give you back your shoes.

You're always freelancing from home, which means your cat has to watch you and dart away when you notice. So there goes her whole day.

3) What did you get Aunt Peggy for Christmas? a. A big box of steering clear. b. Well, she would have wanted me to get myself something nice.

I doubt it would cook up an abundance of hate to overpower the abundance of love. It would be so not like the universe to fuck with abundance.