Money | Page 43 | Points in Case

Tag: Money

Super Male Vitality: We went to a gas station and bought every dick pill that we could. Then we crushed them up and put them into a vial.

If the pound plummets to junk status, Great Britain will return to the barter system. Price will be decided according to value in livestock.

Remain present as you haul ass down the aisles, reminding yourself to stay in the moment as you sweep armfuls of electronics into a burlap sack.

I plan to do great work today. Just as soon as I...check Instagram to see if that guy posted more dumb pictures of that thing he thinks is cool.

Talk to the hand! The Zima is chilling on ice, Matchbox Twenty is in the CD player, and Trevor’s all sexy up in here with his puka shell necklace on.

You picture it. You see the wisdom. Unlike Drake, you do not accept God's plan. "I'm too good for that," you say. "Are you fucking kiddi–" God says.

A Jack-o'-Polyamory-Pamphlets: Nothing says, "we’re leaving each other," like joining separate sex cults.

If I’ve already showered I’ll typically just pour something sticky on my head like honey or maple syrup and pretend it was an accident.

Yes, I sold ad space at the end of that paragraph. Yes, I know that the end of the first paragraph is traditionally where the humorous premise goes.

Please insert your chip into the card reader. Please please insert your card. Please please please. Please society. Please the machine. Chip card.

Consider all the babies that Gulak didn't devour. This country is full of succulent babies that weren't eaten by Gulak at all, not even a little bit.

God, I haven't ridden a bike for years. Okay, that still works. Yes, I have thighs. Thick thighs. Strong thighs. Thunder God thighs.