I Have a Guy for Everything
I drink cheap, too! I’ve got a really generous guy who works as a bartender and he’ll usually pour me a few rounds for free, after I’ve encouraged him to have 7 or 8 himself.
Tag: Money
I’m Just a Bride, Standing in Front of Her Bridesmaids, Asking Them to Answer My Fucking Texts
I sent another text last night. I get that 3 AM is late, but that’s why I made all of you set your text tones to the sound of your children crying!
How I Failed at Being a Gilmore Girl
Thanks to my newly acquired need for a speed supplier, I finally found my bad-boy boyfriend. He also cooked meth on the side and almost blew me up once or twice while I was asleep.
Writer’s Block Busted! Political Speechwriters Edition
The first step, of course, is to avoid mirrors. This is essential if you are to eliminate the risk of looking yourself in the eye.
Thank You for Rescuing Me From This Trash Can I’ve Stuffed Myself Into to Write a Novel
Imagine a book written entirely in uncomfortable places with completely unconventional materials. Genius, isn’t it?
The Inaugural Sick Day of a Workaholic
9:00 pm: Apply to 27 jobs for fun (your therapist told you that “hobbies are healthy”) and get them all.
I Am Very Special
This mug featured nine cats smiling at me and each other with the encouraging words, “You’re very special,” written in delicate script above them.
Apolitical Questions the Senate Judiciary Committee Members Wish They Could Ask Supreme Court Nominees
Is there a Supreme Court bowling team called “Divided Court-United Ballers?” If not, why?
“Mission: Impossible Fallout” Fails to Fully Capture My Experience of Life as a White Man
I’m worried about the young white boy who watches this movie and doesn’t realize there’s pleasure in riding a helicopter that doesn’t entail gunfire.
Old MacDonald Had a Bitcoin Mining Farm
And on that farm he had an FBI raid, mostly lawyers and tech nerds obsessing over Lloyd’s wind-powered mining ingenuity.
Jerry Maguire Quotes That Literally Sum Up My Boys’ Weekend in Atlantic City
“Show Me the Money!” I kept shouting this because I thought it was pretty funny (I mean, we were in the casino and I was trying to win the big bucks)
Dear Batman: Please Park Legally
Sarah: "I walked into my greenhouse and found a large tank parked on the roof. No light could get in and all my plants died. I lost my business."