Luckily, the staff at the White House told us that things actually run a lot better when he’s not around, so they’ve agreed to lend him to us for the next few years.
As our apology, have a free “Girlfriend’s Fingers Fries,” which are for scraping against your cheek so that you can pretend you have a girlfriend.
I drink cheap, too! I’ve got a really generous guy who works as a bartender and he’ll usually pour me a few rounds for free, after I’ve encouraged him to have 7 or 8 himself.
I sent another text last night. I get that 3 AM is late, but that’s why I made all of you set your text tones to the sound of your children crying!
Thanks to my newly acquired need for a speed supplier, I finally found my bad-boy boyfriend. He also cooked meth on the side and almost blew me up once or twice while I was asleep.
The first step, of course, is to avoid mirrors. This is essential if you are to eliminate the risk of looking yourself in the eye.
Imagine a book written entirely in uncomfortable places with completely unconventional materials. Genius, isn’t it?
9:00 pm: Apply to 27 jobs for fun (your therapist told you that “hobbies are healthy”) and get them all.
This mug featured nine cats smiling at me and each other with the encouraging words, “You’re very special,” written in delicate script above them.
Is there a Supreme Court bowling team called “Divided Court-United Ballers?” If not, why?
I’m worried about the young white boy who watches this movie and doesn’t realize there’s pleasure in riding a helicopter that doesn’t entail gunfire.
And on that farm he had an FBI raid, mostly lawyers and tech nerds obsessing over Lloyd’s wind-powered mining ingenuity.