Business Proposal: It’s Like MoviePass, But for *Throws Dart* Escape Rooms
We will target the *shuffles a deck of cards and flips a card* ace of diamonds to jack of clubs age bracket, which we'll say is 16-28 years old.
Tag: Money
Found Crystals for the Financially Insolvent
Often referred to as a gateway totem, Shattered Window Shard is one of the easiest crystals to find or create.
Quarterly Review
I thought this was a quarter but it’s actually a POG. I traded it to my friend Dennis for a real quarter.
Mickey Mouse: I’m Sorry I Hit and Killed Goofy with My Car, My Bad
Mickey, it might be the time to dust off those wizard skills and bring your friend back to life.
The Complete “Skeleton” Film Franchise
Skeleton: Awakening (Note on the musical score) “I don’t think the nipples would change the xylophone tone in that way.”
How to Make the Most of Your Mental Health Day
8:00 p.m. --- Lunchtime! Wait, since when was it 8 p.m.? Have you not eaten anything today? Don’t panic. There’s a sleeve of Oreos on the table.
Scary Campfire Stories for the One-Percent
Due to a new Harvard policy, your youngest son is unable to coast in on the coattails of a new building contribution. He ends up attending Reed.
Welcome to the Alphas Only Hedge Fund
I know you’re here because you read that Vice article that said our hedge fund is like the Wolf of Wall Street but with actual wolves. That’s true.
Why My Pride T-Shirt Will Finally End LGBT Discrimination
The whole world would say, “they’ve got a sweet-ass rainbow shirt,” and they would erase all the biases they had previously held about LGBT people.
Weighing All of LeBron James’ Possible Moves
Washington: By successfully recruiting James, the Washington Generals could finally have a shot at taking down those damn Harlem Globetrotters.
I Am Your City Council Representative, and Your Concerns Matter to Me
As an upstanding member of this community, I hope you’ll believe me that I am, definitively, a human flesh man, and not any kind of insect homunculus.
10 Signs That You Are Not Watching the Movie “Gremlins” Right Now
5. You Are Not Watching Gremlins Right Now, Because You Are Too Busy Reenacting Scenes from the Film with Buckley, Your Friend & Butler