Scary Campfire Stories for the One-Percent
Due to a new Harvard policy, your youngest son is unable to coast in on the coattails of a new building contribution. He ends up attending Reed.
Tag: Money
Welcome to the Alphas Only Hedge Fund
I know you’re here because you read that Vice article that said our hedge fund is like the Wolf of Wall Street but with actual wolves. That’s true.
Why My Pride T-Shirt Will Finally End LGBT Discrimination
The whole world would say, “they’ve got a sweet-ass rainbow shirt,” and they would erase all the biases they had previously held about LGBT people.
Weighing All of LeBron James’ Possible Moves
Washington: By successfully recruiting James, the Washington Generals could finally have a shot at taking down those damn Harlem Globetrotters.
I Am Your City Council Representative, and Your Concerns Matter to Me
As an upstanding member of this community, I hope you’ll believe me that I am, definitively, a human flesh man, and not any kind of insect homunculus.
10 Signs That You Are Not Watching the Movie “Gremlins” Right Now
5. You Are Not Watching Gremlins Right Now, Because You Are Too Busy Reenacting Scenes from the Film with Buckley, Your Friend & Butler
Realistic Financial Goals By Age 35
Relationships are about one thing, and one thing only: affordable housing. Find someone who doesn’t smell too bad and lock it down.
I Can’t Get Rid of the Sunglasses That Make Me See How Everyone Will Die Because the Cashier at 7-Eleven Complimented Them
What if I get a new pair and instead of being bitchin’ as hell, they are just bitchin’? Or worse: not bitchin’ at all.
It Takes More Muscles to Frown Than to Smile, and Even More Muscles to Lift This Vending Machine Off Me
I’d be willing to bet it takes dozens of muscles in the arms, legs, and torso to lift this soda machine off of my shattered body.
Is This Blockchain?
Is blockchain when you’re constipated because you ate too many quarters? Is blockchain a European architectural trend?
Thoreau’s Walden, 200 Years Later
The question is not what you look at, but what you see; and not just what you see, but what is on your Netflix “Recently Watched” list.
The Newest Trend in Real Estate is Sprawling Victorian Estates
Have fun cooking on your one-burner stove. I’m spit-roasting an entire side of beef that’s been marinating for 3 weeks in Cab Sav.