Welcome to Surf School, Where Everyone is Raw AF and Nobody Slept in a Bed Last Night
There's only two types of surfers: braindead fuckheads, and guys who have checking accounts. Now, split up accordingly everyone.
Tag: Money
There is Literally No Caffeine in This Espresso, And I Will Sit Here Shaking Until I Get a Refund
It's an awful feeling, receiving DECAFFEINATED espresso. Unfortunately, the world doesn't give you refunds on your feelings. I would know.
It’s Me, Logan Paul: I Once Monetized Suicide on YouTube, Now I’m Pivoting to Hope
The head of content strategy at YouTube shares my new vision for hope, and has pre-approved the following three Logan Paul vlog concepts.
I Finally Found You, Michael Mainwaring from Chevy’s “Real People Not Actors” Commercial
It's no wonder you stayed hidden from me all these years: you portray a real person better than anyone I've ever seen.
5 Ways to Convince Guests That the Unused Peloton in the Spare Bedroom Isn’t Your Deepest Shame
Spending $2,000 on an exercise bike you weren't equipped to handle is definitely your heart's heaviest baggage, but YOU CAN'T LET THEM KNOW THAT!
Tom Brady Reveals His Deepest Regret in a Letter to Coach Belichick
All I ever wanted was to be the fourth son of Mike Brady on that killer 1970's TV show, The Brady Bunch. Instead, my life veered off course.
How to Helicopter Parent for the 1% Under the New Tax Bill
Strap your child in tight: no one wants to be jostled in the helicopter mid-air, even if it's a short ride from the Upper East Side to the Hamptons.
The Everyday Life of a Young Male Novelist
Once dressed, I sit at my desk and say a quick prayer to Dionysus. Then I take hold of the mighty pen and let his spirit take hold of my body.
Airbnb Review for “Stockholm Syndrome Sanctuary” (4.5/5 Stars)
Waking up handcuffed to a deck chair and duck taped to the point of suffocation was exactly what my girlfriend and I needed to stop fighting.
I Serve White House Guests the Nicest Bottles of Diet Coke
Entertaining guests at the White House, huge part of being president. I drink Diet Coke from cans, but only the best for guests: bottles or fountain.
I’m Afraid Audiences Watched “Star Wars: The Last Jedi” with the Unrealistic Expectation That It Would Save My Marriage
As crazy as it seems, I believe Star Wars fans felt cheated when the credits rolled and Melinda and I were still on the brink of divorce.
Dear Mr. Trump, We Regret to Inform You That We are Unable to Publish Any of Your Manuscript Submissions
Regarding your autobiography, "The Real Mr. T: I Pity the Fool Who Wears Gold-Plated," this was a hard one for us, but regrettably, we have to pass.