Opening Statement from Congressional Conservatives Following Historic Tax Bill Approval
Good afternoon, America! We've recently learned that humor is the best way to break bad news. Good thing the new tax bill is great news!
Tag: Money
Hi, This is Jimmy from Wikipedia and I’m Writing to Ask, One Last Time: Please Consider Paying Me Back for Your Portion of Last Sunday’s Brunch
Here's an incredible statistic: if 100% of people at the brunch paid me back right now, you would never have to hear from me again.
Barron Trump’s Letter to Santa
Hey Santa, could you spend a little time with me this year after coming down the chimney? You know, discuss Bitcoin valuations and eat some cookies.
Travel Advice from Someone Who Totally Went to Africa
Before planning your trip to Africa, consider the advice of someone who has been there many times and is totally not making stuff up based on movies.
4 Glowing Reviews of My Grad School Basement Apartment
There's nothing like coming home at the end of the day to a tiny, dingy $800-a-month basement apartment to remind you that your dreams are a sham.
Dear Ghost Girl Haunting My Apartment: You’re Starting to Become a Financial Burden
It's not that I don't think you're scary. But this is NYC, and I really need to get a roommate listed on this lease or else I'll have to move back to Ohio with my parents.
Why You Should Listen to More Rap Music
Feeling sad? Self-esteem finally bottomed out? Skip the Zoloft and go with today's leading anti-depressant regimen: rap music.
7 Sexy Baseball Movies to Get You in the Mood for the World Series
Thanks to the extensive sports section at my local adult video store, I now understand everything about baseball, nudity and all!
Women, Here’s What Your Dating Profile Should Really Look Like
More friendly advice for those women thinking about online dating...because my advice for men the first time around wasn't enough.
Let’s Not Make a Big Deal Out of My Viking Funeral Pyre
Less is more, I always said. If you can’t find a fjord in New Jersey, better apply for an ocean permit ASAP so we can have the ceremony at Brigantine Beach.
The iPhone 43 is Finally Here
Tim Cook's voice sounded almost dreamlike as it reverberated off the pillars and buttresses of the repurposed superchurch that served as Apple's Announcement Pod.
How to Troubleshoot a Sump Pump, Sponsored by Marque de Mode Luxury Handbags
Flooded basement? Fashion purveyors Marque de Mode have you covered with some simple tips to get your basement dryer than a martini at Café Montague.