Ways to Say “I Love You,” Adjusted for Inflation
- You’re the crab-apple of my eye - You’re the love of my mid-life - You’re my other third
Tag: Money
Make Extra Cash by Renting Out Your Mouth!
Our app connects you with those ready to give you quick cash for the short-term use of the mouth you already have.
It’s So Good to Catch Up Now That My Life Is Finally Going Better than Yours
You know what they say: you can’t live in the past, when all of my achievements paled in comparison to yours.
Terrifying Profiles on Your College’s Alumni Website
John Chris: I am in my tenth year of overseeing the murder division at Clemsaw Capital. I would be happy to help current students in any way I can!
Seven Ways to Stop Me Before I Start a Devastating Religion
Walk out: Just leave en masse. Once you're a healthy distance away from me, there will be no one to support my Multi-Level Marketing Religion.
You’ve Barely Touched Your Mid-Heist Carrot Sticks and Hummus
I didn’t help break into the Banco de España to see these delicious snacks I’ve generously prepared go to waste.
This Pride Month, TD Bank Is PROUD to Say: You Owe Us Money
We don’t want to shame you, especially during a month as joyous as Pride. We celebrate all our bankers, bankettes, and bank-theys.
The Parking Garage Is Compromised, So How About We Trade Federal Secrets at La Romantica?
As far as anyone here knows, we’re just one extremely handsome journalist and one extremely available woman sharing bruschetta.
Are You in a Kafka Story or on the Phone with a Customer Service Representative?
No one will explain the charge to you, but you are sure it is unjust.
Guac: The Expense Tracking App for Buying More Guacamole
No more acting like you don’t want guacamole or pretending that if you get guacamole, it’ll make you too full.
Charnstone Manor Is Hiring a Governess!
Strong candidates will fit in with our diverse and dedicated group of cryptic caretakers, silent maids, hostile valets, and cursed children.
Public Domain Themes for Your Vegas Wedding
Robin Hood: Get married in the woods and then crash a wealthier wedding’s reception for dinner. Archery optional, but encouraged.