Congratulations on Your Invitation to Duel to the Death for Our Beautiful Home
We’ll enforce basic duel-to-death etiquette, which basically seems to mean making sure one party dies (Hamilton is available on Disney+, by the way).
Tag: Money
The Inspiring Productivity Secrets of Morning People
Rise and grind, baby! And by that, I mean use an angle grinder to try and remove my court-mandated tracking bracelet.
I Fully Intend to Boycott Amazon Just as Soon as I Buy This Thing for My Newborn
I’m gonna order the Chomperoo 3-in-1 Soother Chewer through the Amazon app real quick and then Jeffrey “watch me burn money as literal rocket fuel” Bezos can take a hike!
Your Ego’s Writing Checks Your Body Can’t Cash! That’s Why You’re the Perfect Candidate for Our Top Gun Overdraft Protection Program
You’re in the top one percent of all naval aviators, with "a need, a need for speed." But I think you have a serious need for fiscal responsibility.
I’m Shuttering My Professional Kidnap for Ransom Operation Due to Rising Inflation
Our whole supply chain is wrecked: the price of a getaway car is sky high and gas costs for said car are now at an astronomical level.
It Is I, the Toddler Who Values Financial Literacy Due to NFTs
I was telling the other toddlers about how if they ever plan to retire, they’ll need real dough, not Play-Doh.
Dear Landlord: I Cannot Be Held Responsible for the Coyote-Shaped Hole in the Wall
In this instance, the coyote was blasted through said wall following a violent explosion of his own devising.
Hey Bellyacher, Your Doctor Wants Us to Experiment on You in This New Clinical Trial!
Over at MEGOPharma we thought, why not repurpose this stuff to make some money?
Words and Phrases Banned from the U.S. Mint Staff Email Where Employees Print $38 Million a Day for $40,000 a Year
Torture, salivating, aroused. Every second, a sheet of currency worth the amount of my student loans passes me.
I Know Times Are Tough, So I’m Generously Reducing the Rent for the Crawlspace Under My House
Ope, watch your head there. Cam likes to go in feet-first, but I prefer lying on my side and sliding in with my hands like a walrus.
“The Game of Average Joe” for PS5 Walkthrough
If your “Stubbornness” and “Performative Masculinity” traits are below a combined twelve, Joe will hire a CPA and the level should be a cakewalk.
We’re Coming for Your Ill-Begotten Gains, Oligarchs!
We’re thinking of them, we’re discussing them, we’re writing them down, and yes, we will almost certainly be imposing them!