Becca’s Baking Blog: This Banana Bread Will Fuck Your Shit Up
And before you ask, you disgusting skid mark, yes, we’re sifting our dry ingredients before combining. We weren’t raised by fucking mole people.
Tag: Mouth
“Carpe Diem” and Other Things You Cannot Do
"Hannibal ad portas" --- "Hannibal is at the gates" Wait, no, just kidding, it’s the pizza guy again.
What Your Favorite Type of Apple Says About You
Jonagold: You really want to ask your boss for a raise, but every time you think about doing it, you throw up a little in your mouth. Maybe next year.
I Hunted the Most Dangerous Game: The Animatronic Creatures at The Rainforest Cafe
A lot of people will call into question whether or not attacking robots in a theme restaurant can be considered a sport.
The Lamentations of Your Forgotten Love, The Cigarette
We grew together. We have history. Does vape know that you used to slobber too much in your tween years?
A Eulogy for Straw
Wooden coffee stirrer, remember when Straw convinced you that the barista went through 45 toothpicks a day? The look on your face! God, he was fun.
My Latest Findings in Brain Research
8. The brain's ability to recognize faces is limited to John Lithgow --- Human faces: only computers can tell them apart.
When is the Best Time to Visit New York?
There are three distinct rivers in New York summers: the Hudson, the East, and the one continuously flowing down into your ass crack.
The Strange Life of a Costco Food Sample
I recently heard from Fox News that two men ages 70 and 72 fought over free cheese at a Costco in South Carolina.
Whoa, I Saw the Mummy That’s Been Chasing Us Without His Bandages and He’s Actually Really Handsome
But now I realize that’s actually a stupid plan and I have a new, better one: keep King Teti in this Earthly realm and also make him my boyfriend.
We’re Sorry We Didn’t Make the “Star Wars” Movie You Want
We were just trying to make a good movie that everyone could enjoy, and we never meant to hurt your feelings.
Paul Klee’s Childhood Diaries
Peek-a-boo. Peek-a-boo. What sorcery is this? Only a demon could so affect the utter destruction and recreation of his countenance at will.