The Golden Ticket Survivors Support Group
For everyone telling me to get over it? Remember that I was juiced! As a child!
Tag: Movies and TV
Please Listen Carefully as Our Menu Options Have Changed, and Also I Have This New Screenplay Idea
For new patients, let me tell you about the opening scene. We fade in on a beach, sand caked with blood being washed away by the waves!
My Life Is in Shambles but at Least I’m the Star of Four Different Reality Shows
The filming schedules for the shows overlap so that I always have at least two competing crews filming me at once and oftentimes, all four.
This Year at COP28, We’re Just Reading Our Fern Gully Smut
Instead of practical commitments, we’ve asked them to show up with the filthiest, horniest fanfic about an environmentalist allegory ever.
Help! I’m Trapped Inside the Sunday Football Commercial Break
I walk out into my backyard party—it’s always a party in my backyard. I smile and clink glasses with a man who could be my neighbor, but is he?
Excerpts from Rod Serling’s Rejected Show “The Prank Zone”
You are about to enter another world. It is a world not of matter, but of hilarious practical jokes. It’s a place we like to call… The Prank Zone.
CliffsNotes: “2 Sound 2 Furious”
"2 Sound 2 Furious" follows the continued exploits of the Compson family as they compete in underground wagon races.
I’m the Adult in This Horror Movie and You Kids Better Not Be Doing Anything Supernatural in There
You’re young, your hormones are raging. All you want to do is figure out what the shadowy figure following you through mirrors is saying.
“Friends” Episode or Me Ordering a Shitty Microbrew I Can’t Remember the Name of by Describing the Stupid Label?
How you doin' (on this quiz)? Remember “The One with the Cake” and “The One with the Baby on the Bus”?
Services I’m Offering as a Striking Writer
Providing an extra hand for “light as a feather stiff as a board” at your next sleepover / Watching your ex’s Instagram story and reporting on their whereabouts
Beyoncé Concert Report from Someone Who Only Knows Her from “Austin Powers’ Goldmember”
The size of the crowd was shocking. I knew the Austin Powers trilogy was beloved but I never knew this many people particularly liked the third one.
Donkey Kong Country Level or Episode of Chopped?
TV food challenge? Or problem for a big ape? Test your knowledge for Meatball Madness, Bumble B. Rumble, Clever Fever, and more.