Doth a Man Live by His Neck Tattoo, and Not the Beauty That Stirs His Heart?
A millennium of mystics lives in my heart. But when you look at me, all you see is “Prince of Darkness” in Comic Sans stretched just under my chin.
Tag: Music
The Vlad Quartet Is Not Playing at Ronnie Scotts
"Hello, this is Valedy calling. So sorry I missed the gig. I got pranked. Somebody nailed my coffin shut. By the time I got out, it was the next day."
Quaint Towns to Visit Before They’re Completely Leveled by Music Festivals
Reine, Norway - This sleepy fishing village doesn’t have much time before it catches a lethal dose of Imagine Dragons.
No, I Didn’t Break Quarantine to Have a Sex Party
I heard one radio report suggest that there were flashing lights and loud music. My electricity is slightly faulty and caused momentary outages.
I’m Queen Elsa from the “Frozen” Broadway Show and I’m Here to Announce Your Company’s Hiring Freeze
Thank goodness I’m still booking kindergarten graduations and Mormon cosplay through Cameo.
Diary Entries from the Season Bob Dylan Coached My Son’s Little League Team
Instead of wearing baseball caps, Coach Dylan has all the kids wearing these weird old hats he found at a garage sale.
The Other 45 Ways to Leave Your Lover That Paul Simon Didn’t Want You to See
Be too into board games, James / Finally say how you really feel, Neil / Act like a slob, Rob / Cut them out of the will, Bill
Now That’s What I Call Music! COVID-19
Unpopulated Island in the Sun / Stayin' Alive Until Extra Ventilators and Testing Becomes Available / Blinded by the Light from My Computer Screen
Jury Duty Is Rebranding as Justice Festival
As you enter the courthouse, you will get a trendy wristband. This unlocks special access to the “VIP Pit” also known as the “Enormous Waiting Area.”
A Letter of Appreciation for “One Headlight” by the Wallflowers
People will call you a monster, and in a way, they’ll be correct: you are a monster---a monster fucking hit.
Rolling Stones Song, or Just Another Effect of Climate Change?
Fires Ablaze / Rain Fall Down / Carbon Dioxide High / Winter / Where Are All The Bees, Baby? / Another Polar Vortex
Austin Visa Application for SXSW Attendees
1. The dammed-up Colorado River running through Austin is called... A) Town Lake B) Lady Bird Lake C) A lake? Sure as hell don’t look like a lake