Taylor Swift, Zachary Taylor, Jonathan Swift, or Jonathan Taylor-Thomas?
“Stop your nonsense and drink your whiskey!” / “Fine words! I wonder where you stole them.” / "We are never ever, ever, ever getting back together.”
Tag: Music
How to Photoshop Yourself Dummy Thicc with Bob Ross
Wow. If you’ve photoshopped with me before, you know I like big ol’ tushies. And, there he is. That’s a big ol’ tush.
I’m a Crosley Record Player
Every day that my knob is turned, I wheeze, I cough, calling out for help, but they can’t hear me scream over their thrifted Bob Dylan record.
Our Beethoven Rebrand Journey: The Making of a Superstar Grump
March 5, 1795: He needs to lose the wig. Convinced every wig emporium to say they're out of his size. Remind intern to burn Ludwig's wig closet.
Five Best End-Of-Year Listicles to Distract from Your Deepening Existential Crisis
Fifty Best Books of the 2010s: Uh-oh, might as well skip this listicle. We both know you didn’t read fifty books in the 2010s.
Where Are They Now: Characters from Alanis Morissette’s “Ironic”
The couple that endured Rain On Their Wedding Day realized mid-Hawaiian-honeymoon that they never discussed having children.
Royalty-Free Podcasts So You Don’t Have to Hear Another Quip Ad
Celebrity Talking Over Celebrity: For those of you wondering, what’s that actor from that movie doing these days? Well… it’s this!
Five Questions I Have for the Dude Grinning at the Gym
This is a wily attempt to mock us, isn’t it? You’re clearly fit, gorgeous even. You did it! Congratulations, but that’s it. Why are you still here?
What to Do if the Little Drummer Boy Shows Up at Your Local Maternity Ward
It's confusing that this boy thinks a drum solo is an appropriate gift for anyone---let alone an infant. That’s what makes him so dangerous.
How to Cope When a Loved One Reveals They’re a Red Hot Chili Peppers Fan
Unraveling the “why?” behind a Red Hot Chili Peppers (RHCP) fan’s devotion is critical towards correctly identifying their funk-rock condition.
Your Holiday Guide to Not Supporting Local Artists
Enjoy this quaint seasonal attraction while skillfully dodging pesky shop attendants!
From a Proud but Contrite Music Snob with a Secret Life to His Daughter in the Event of His Death
I need you to delete my personal Spotify account. As you browse the artists and titles in my library you will see why I need this to happen.