Stern Letters From Health Inspectors to Musicians Who Sang About Food
Re: Truffle Butter. Dear Ms. Maraj et. al, We have looked up what this phrase means on Urban Dictionary, and we do not like it.
Tag: Music
My First Day at the Department for Duplicated Departments
10.15 am - Somone tries to get into the office but gets lost in the revolving doors.
Superheroes in the Millennial Legion
As Acai City’s newest hero, Millennial Girl is committed to protecting and serving all citizens born between 1981 and 1998.
Boyz II Men’s “I’ll Make Love To You” Annotated For All The Sexual Harassers Singing It At Karaoke
Pour the wine, light the fire/Girl your wish is my command* *Theirs is an equal exchange of pleasure, because it's about consent!
Eulogy for Bernard “Bernie” Lomax
Yes, to the gentleman in the back who just loudly questioned if Bernie is really dead, I assure you he is. This is his funeral. I’m sorry.
Sexy and Confusing Lessons from the Online Fitness Industry
Supplements are filled with patented-yet-unpronounceable ingredients originally designed to make racehorses faster and more prone to heart attacks.
I Didn’t Spend Four Years at Juilliard Studying Percussion To Be Called “Mr. Tambourine Man”
"You'll come following me in the jingle jangle morning," will you? You're going to stalk me? Is that a threat?
I’m the Boyband Member Everyone Always Forgets
Honestly, I’m really totally fine being the one who gets his name mispronounced by a YouTube personality when we win an MTV Video Music Award.
New Protests Groups Like Antifa You Can Join
Antipopop: This organization protests the use of the nickname "Poppi" for "grandfather," as well as the variants "Pop Pop," "Bop Bop," and "Boppie."
Reviews of Dating Greg
Customers who dated Greg also purchased a 3-for-1 deal of Listerine and a year's supply of therapy.
A Response From the Woman Formerly Known as “Jessie’s Girl”
Your most memorable characteristics of me were “those eyes” and “that body.” Newsflash, Rick: most women on this planet have eyes and a body.
Goddammit, I Think I Earnestly Like Everything I Claim to Like Ironically
I wasn’t just enjoying, but empathizing with contestants on The Bachelor. I shut it off and recollected my ironic self over a lukewarm Zima.